Showing posts with label Child Victims Act of New York. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Child Victims Act of New York. Show all posts

Monday, May 02, 2011

Sex Scandals In Religion Will Be Defeated Just Like The Killing Of Osama bin Laden


The New York State Police at Monroe announce the arrest of: JOSEPH GELBMAN, age 52, 191 Gibber Road, Kiamesha Lake, N ew York, 12751. GELBMAN was charged with Sexual Abuse 3rd degree, Forcible Touching and Endangering the Welfare of a Child, all misdemeanors. The investigation revealed that on Thursday, April 14, 2011, GELBMAN drove a fourteen (14) year old male to the America
s Best Value Inn located in the Town of Woodbury and had sexual contact with the victim.
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Vision TV To Air 4-part Series SEX SCANDAL IN RELIGION

Vision TV

The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. The saying may be New Testament, but – as detailed in a provocative four-part Cogent/Benger TV series - sexual betrayal by spiritual leaders is not confined to any Church, Temple or Mosque.

The original series Sex Scandals In Religion offers viewers an unprecedented look at misbehavior manifested in four religions. The four half-hour episodes - produced by Toronto based Cogent/Benger Productions Inc. - take an intimate, compelling and emotional look at the dark secrets that lurk inside houses of the spirit.

Sex Scandals In Religion looks beyond the infamous and well-publicized sex abuse scandals in the Catholic Church to stunning stories of sexual misfeasance in four other world religions. In Buddhism, a world-renowned Rinpoche is accused by several women of sexual exploitation; in Islam, the actions of zealots leads to the religiously justified rape of students and gays; in Orthodox Jewry, the mechanisms of justice are obscured in case involving a rabbi and young boys; and in Christian Evangelism, a homophobic black bishop in Atlanta is accused of the serial molestation of fatherless boys.

Sex Scandals In Religion will air on consecutive Mondays, beginning with episode 1 In The Name of the Ayatollah May 9 at 10:30 p.m. ET/PT on Vision TV.

Episode 1: In The Name of The Ayatollah
Directed by Robin Benger
The Mullahs of Iran authorize and justify the rape and sodomy of dissidents. State agents of this Islamic country have used the Holy Koran to violently enforce the authority of Clerics over the bodies and souls of all those who dare disagree with their singular vision of the road to Paradise. From refugee havens in Turkey, the victims seek justice.

Episode 2: Wall Of Silence
Directed by Alan Mendelsohn
Deep within a reclusive orthodox Jewish community rests a horrific scandal. A shocked Brooklyn community shields an accused pedophile, as if the accusation itself has broken a covenant. The believers believe that speaking of the evil is worse than the evil itself. Pain, suffering, humiliation and recrimination is the price they pay for this tenet.

Episode 3: In The Name Of Enlightenment
Directed by Debi Goodwin
A Buddhist Master beloved by millions uses his position and authority to take advantage of young women. For over three decades, complaints are dismissed as the grumblings of the uninitiated. A Guru focused on his own pleasure turns the path to enlightenment into the road to sexual servitude.

Episode 4: In The Name Of The Lord
Directed by Peter Findlay
In the Deep South of America, a charismatic preacher rallies the nation against the evils of homosexuality - but this Leader of the Flock coaches fatherless young men with questionable intent. Supporters dismiss the allegations of impropriety and shun the victims. The stain of accusation and lawsuits follow God’s preacher in this examination of power, persuasion and corrupted scripture.

Sex Scandals in Religion is Produced by Christopher Sumpton and Robin Benger. Directors include Alan Mendelsohn, Robin Benger, Debi Goodwin, and Peter Findlay.

About Cogent/Benger Productions
Cogent/Benger Productions Inc. has been producing high-profile network documentaries and specials since 1998. The company has a reputation for producing films destined for a wide public that explore major social issues.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

Survivors and Friends

Survivors and Friends is a non-profit organization that was founded by annie, a Survivor of sexual abuse herself. Survivors and Friends exists to provide hope, encouragement, and support for survivors of sexual abuse, incest, and rape, and their friends and family.
Here you will find articles on sexual abuse, incest, rape, and on abuse recovery, which are written by other Survivors or the loved ones of Survivors. You will also find the Survivor's Community--a place where you can safely (and anonymously) talk with other Survivors who may have faced some of the same trials that you may be facing--or have faced in the past. We have forums for partners and parents of survivors as well. We hope that you will find this site helpful in the recovery process.
In the future, we hope to also provide some chat rooms for you to communicate with each other.
Remember, you are not alone.
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Dancing in the Shadows by Laura Bryannan


Chapter 1

SURVIVOR "CHECKLIST"

Did you know that many incest and sexual abuse survivors are not aware they were abused? The psyche effectively blocks the trauma from the conscious mind so the person can continue to move forward and function in life. However, the trauma is never completely erased from a survivor's experience. Some survivors who have no conscious memories of abuse have always had a feeling something happened to them but, because they can't remember anything specific, they tell themselves the feeling must be wrong. If you are one of these people, there is a good chance that you are right-- something did happen to you, even if you can't remember exactly what. So, don't let the fact that you have no solid memories or "movies" keep you from exploring this issue.
Incest and abuse survivors often develop telling pathologies as they grow up. These pathologies are actually the various ways a survivor learned to cope with the abuse as a child, and were extremely healthy (perhaps even lifesaving) at the time, but are now in the way of their becoming a fully-functioning adult. So, if you've been working on a specific problem in yourself for some time and haven't been able to get anywhere with it, it's possible that you haven't been asking the right questions about it.
The book Secret Survivors, by E. Sue Blume (John Wiley & Sons, 1990), has a checklist of some of the many symptoms that can develop from sexual abuse. Of course these kinds of symptoms can develop from other causes as well, but if you see yourself in the discussion below, it's worth asking yourself the question, "Is it possible that I am this way because I experienced incest or sexual abuse as a child?" I'd like to summarize some of the most relevant points below.
Do you have issues with your body? Problems such as swallowing and gagging sensitivities, eating disorders, addictions to drugs or alcohol, skin carving or other self-abuse, the need to wear baggy clothes, or a fear of removing clothing even when appropriate (swimming or bathing, for example) often have their roots in childhood sexual abuse.
Survivors often have trouble expressing their anger, or live in constant fear of the anger of others. Some survivors, on the other hand, find anger and violence extremely erotic. Others are rage-alcoholics, and have trouble seeing the damage their outbursts have on the people around them. Another path survivors take is to become obsessed with suicide and death, or they spend their life in and out of depression. Many survivors remember being terminally shy and afraid as a child and, as adults, get very nervous when being watched; extreme cases border on paranoia.
Constant hand washing, lock checking, and other obsessive-compulsive behaviors are often unconscious attempts to clean what feels defiled, fix what feels broken, or secure what feels unsafe. Unexplainable fears about particular rooms or people are another clue. Abuse often leaves one feeling different from the rest of humanity, or even crazy.
One of the biggest red flags is loss of memory. If you can't remember anything before the age of six, for example, it's possible you've blocked out something painful to know about. Some survivors get more specific in their block-outs: they can remember being little but not their childhood bedroom or the kitchen, etc. Sometimes a survivor will only block out a specific person. If grandma lived with your family as a child but you can't remember any interaction with her, this is an important clue.
The pattern I've noticed to be most prevalent in otherwise healthy persons who do not remember being abused is a sexualizing of the identity. Survivors are taught that the way to get love is to put out sexually. So, when survivors become teens and young adults they often do just that! Are you someone who has had a long and somewhat promiscuous history of relationships with people who just aren't right for you--people who are unstable, substance abusers, violent, emotionally-withholding or unfaithful? It's possible you've simply been acting out what you were taught as a child.
Another clue can be found when the above-described person finally breaks that pattern and finds a healthy, loving partner to be in relationship with. A woman who has been a "hot mama" in unhealthy relationships often finds that, in a loving relationship, she loses her interest in sex entirely! Or, she wants to be sexual but finds that, instead of arousing her, her usual turn-ons now bring uncomfortable, icky or scary feelings.
The converse of this issue also occurs. I have seen many survivors let go of otherwise loving relationships because their partner's sex drive was not as active as theirs (the sex drive of an abuse survivor can be like a bottomless pit of need, by the way). Since people who were sexually abused often have their entire self-worth wrapped up in their sexual performing, a survivor has a hard time believing that their partner can really love them if they're not having sex as often as the survivor needs to feel safe.
A tangent to this problem is the woman who experiences her loving, kind and supportive partners as boring. A woman coming out of an abusive background will generally feel attracted to people who mirror the energies of her abuser. If her abuser was angry and violent, only these kinds of partners turn her on. If her abuser was distant, keeping her always at arm's length, she can only fall in love with distant, emotionally-withholding partners. If you are someone who thrives on emotional turbulence and high drama in your relationships, and are bored to tears with the loving folks you've met, you may be stuck in a self-abusive pattern that began in your childhood.
Another path abuse survivors take is to become totally asexual. These people often gravitate toward the myriad religious and philosophical systems which teach that sexual expression is a hindrance to one's spiritual development. This, of course, is the ultimate safe place for many abused people. Survivors in this environment are encouraged to spend their entire lives cut off from their bodies; freedom from sexual impulses is seen as a high spiritual goal. Thus, the survivor will never have to confront the awful memories that lie beneath the surface of their consciousness.
These are only some of the more obvious ways sexual abuse survivors act out. If you don't see yourself in any of the above descriptions, but still feel that something happened to you, please continue to explore this possibility. Incest and sexual abuse experiences are as varied as there are humans on this planet, and not all damaging experiences ever involve actual sexual activity. Sometimes all it takes is one inappropriate touch or glance--baby sitter fondling little girl's crotch, or uncle watching niece in the bathroom--and a child can be permanently shamed. Parents who tease their daughter about the size of her breasts (or who allow other family members to do so), a divorced father who tells his daughter all women are whores, are often setting up patterns in their little girls that may never be healed. These things are also abuse, even though intercourse never occurred.
The fundamental rule you should remember when reviewing your history to look for clues of abuse is this: there is a usually a good reason for every strange thing you notice about yourself. If you have phobias, sexual kinks, behavior glitches, etc., there is a very good chance someone taught them to you! These kinds of things did not come from the Original Manufacturer, they developed from misuse-of-product. No matter how bizarre the behavior or phobia, I have yet to discover a woman who did not ultimately find that it was produced by some corresponding form of abuse.
So, if you have fantasies of being tied up and sexually tortured, there's a good chance someone did that to you and you've blocked it out. If going into the bathroom after dark gives you anxiety attacks, there's a good chance that something horrible happened to you in a bathroom at night earlier in your life. Give yourself permission to believe that these kinds of behaviors have a reasonable and rational cause and you'll find that your life is full of clues about what may have happened to you.
Go to Table of Contents

Last Updated: 7jun10
Laura Bryannan
LauraBryannan@hotmail.com

Monday, February 21, 2011

Statute of Limitations on Child Sexual Abuse Must Be Abolished






http://www.cleananpress.com/abuse/stories.htm
Readings from Dr. Lynn Daugherty's classic bestseller. . .

Why Me?
     Help for Victims of Child Sexual Abuse
     (Even if they are adults now), 4th Edition


When something bad happens to you, it often helps to know you are not alone. You feel better if you know that other people have had the same kinds of problems.

Here are some experiences other victims of child sexual abuse (molestation, rape or incest) have had (described in "PG" terms for this website). Some boys or girls were victims of brief incidents of sexual abuse. Other boys or girls were victims of sexual abuse as part of a continuing relationship. Still others were victims of incest. All of these stories are true. The names and some of the details have been changed to protect the privacy of the victims.

All these people were victims of sexual abuse when they were children. Was your experience like any of these? Was what happened to you like any of the things that happened to them? Did you feel any of the same emotions? Did you think or do any of the same things they did?

Brief incidents
Brief incidents of child sexual abuse (molestation, rape or incest) can take many forms. Some have great impact on the victim and others have little effect. Many children, both boys and girls, are victimized in these ways. Here are some of their stories.

Connie, age 33
I have always been terrified of hospitals, but I never knew why. Then one day it came back to me. When I was 12, I had my tonsils out. I remember a nurse came into my room one night after my parents had gone home. I was half asleep because of medication. She started rubbing my head, then my body under the sheet. She massaged my breasts, then my thighs and pubic area . . . . I was scared and felt so helpless. I just "froze" until she quit and went away. I have had this really emotional reaction to hospitals ever since but had blocked out that whole incident.

Carlos, age 16
I was at the beach one day when I was about 12. I was all alone in the changing room when this old man came in. He came over to me while I was starting to put on my swimming trunks. He grabbed for me but I got away and ran home. I don’t go back there alone anymore.

Tina, age 13
I was walking along the road and this guy stopped in a van. He offered me a ride and I said, "No, I am almost home." Then he opened the door and grabbed me by the arm and pulled me in. I was too scared to run. He told me to shut up and sit there. We drove out into the hills and he raped me . . . . He did it twice. He kept saying he knew I liked it. Then he drove me back to town and let me out in the park. I walked home crying.

My mom kept asking me what was wrong until I told her. She told my dad and he went wild. I was afraid he was going to hit me, but he kept saying he was just mad at the guy.

They took me to the hospital for an examination. I don’t remember much. Then we went to the police station. They were really nice, but they just kept asking me the same questions over and over like they didn’t believe me.

The worst part was going back to school. Everybody asked me dumb questions and I felt like a freak. They all knew what had happened. They looked at me weird. I just felt dirty. I’d be sitting there in class and like a dream it would be happening again. I’d see the man and the van. I’d just sit there shaking.

I got real upset when we had to go to the preliminary hearing. I couldn’t sleep and then I threw up just before court. I’m so scared that they will let the guy out.

Glenda, age 16
It was really weird. I had just gotten my driver’s license and we went over to this older guy’s house. There were three of us girls. They knew him, but I didn’t. He gave us some beer and some pot. We were having a good time. Then he started joking around and trying to undress us. He said I could take his Mustang out for a drive once he "got to know me." We were being silly and were mainly in our underwear then. He was being real friendly, acting silly and tickling us.

He showed us his bedroom and he had a video camera by the bed. He wanted us to get on the bed and do things with each other while he filmed it. I wouldn’t do it though and I felt real weird and left.

They stayed, but the next day they said they hadn’t done anything. I felt so dirty after that. Wow! If anybody knew what I had been doing there I would have died. He said lots of girls had done that stuff for him, but I don’t know. I’ve been so afraid the other girls would tell somebody what we were doing.

Greg, age 20
I was twelve years old when they put me in the juvenile detention center the first time. I had just been hanging around and the cops picked me up for curfew violation. I spent the night there and most of the next day.

That night, after the guard had left, the other guy in my room started hassling me. He was bigger but not a lot older, just tough. He wanted me to masturbate him but I wouldn’t. Finally he backed me us against the wall and said, "You’ve got three seconds, sucker! Go down or die!" . . . . After I did what he wanted, then he left me alone. I lay awake all night though, scared to death of him.

Read other stories of boys and girls who were victims of brief incidents of child sexual abuse (molestation, rape, and incest) in Why Me? Help for Victims of Child Sexual Abuse (Even if they are adults now) by Dr. Lynn Daugherty.


Continuing Relationships
Sexual abuse (molestation or rape) often takes place in the context of a continuing relationship. It may go on for a long time before anyone finds out. The boy or girl victim often knows, likes and trusts the abuser. Parents are usually very surprised when they find out what has been happening. Parents usually think of a child molester or a child rapist as a dangerous stranger, not as someone who might be a relative, neighbor or family friend.

Read stories of boys and girls victimized in continuing relationships in Why Me? Help for Victims of Child Sexual Abuse (Even if they are adults now) by Dr. Lynn Daugherty.



Incest
Many boys or girls are sexually abused through incest. Some statistics suggest that as many as one child in every 100 is the victim of incest. Most don’t tell anyone about the abuse until they get older. Some never tell.

Jackie’s story is typical of many girls who are sexually abused by their fathers or stepfathers. She was abused by her stepfather for many years before she told anyone. The abuse started gradually but became more frequent and open as time went on. Her mother did little to stop the abuse. Jackie finally reported it as a teenager. Then she was removed from the home. Her stepfather was convicted of child sexual abuse and placed on probation on the condition that he obtain psychological treatment.
Jackie, age 18

My stepfather was the one who did it. He started when I was about six, I guess. He would come in to tuck me in at night and sometimes just run his hand over my body. It felt good and I didn’t think that was anything wrong.

Later on Daddy started doing other things with his hands . . . . That didn’t seem right but I was supposed to obey him. Then he started kissing me and kissing me under the covers. I must have been ten by then.

I was frightened. I knew my mother would punish me if she found out and I knew Daddy would be mad at me, too. I felt like it was my fault, but I didn’t understand how. I didn’t want anyone to find out how bad I was.

I remember lying awake in the dark hoping he wouldn’t come. I told myself I would jump up and run if he came, but I never did. I just lay there and hoped he would go away soon. Then I would cry and finally go to sleep. But then I would have nightmares about monsters.

One night my mother came in and saw him. She got real mad. He cried and promised never to do it again. She never said anything to me, but I always felt like she was mad at me too. We started to go to church then. He went every night they had a service.

Nothing happened again until I was 12. The he started being real nice to me again. By then I was doing a lot of the work around the house. My mother was always tired. She just never seemed very happy. My stepfather and I always had a good time together though. We would go to the grocery store to pick up whatever we needed for dinner. It would be just me and him. My brothers and sisters would stay at home. Sometimes he’d buy me something special on those trips. He always took my part with my younger brother and sisters. They knew they couldn’t mess with me when he was around. It was pretty nice sometimes, the special way he treated me.

Then he started coming into my room again at night. I don’t think my mother ever knew about it. He would cry sometimes and say he loved me. He said they’d split up the family if anybody knew what was happening. He said my mom would probably get real sick if she ever found out.

He didn’t come in very often. Just a couple of times a month maybe. I started lying awake again waiting for him, hating it. I was so ashamed. What if other people found out? My brothers and sisters said I was the favorite. What if they knew what I had done?

I felt so rotten, like I was all alone and always would be. How could I ever tell anybody about anything so awful? I thought about running away or killing myself, but I was afraid to do either one. I wished someone would stop him, but I knew I had to keep doing what he wanted or terrible things would happen.

My mom even asked me once if he ever did "those things" to me again. I couldn’t let her know, so I said no. If she had cared more, it seems like she would have checked more though. I guess she just didn’t care as long as I didn’t cause her any problems.

Then the trouble started when I wanted to go out with boys. He started getting real mean about letting me leave the house alone. He would make me turn down dates and, when I turned 15, he wouldn’t let me get a driver’s license. He said it gave me too much freedom. He was always asking who I was with, what I was doing and would get mad if boys called me on the phone. Sometimes I saw him in the car following us when I did go out.

He would do all sorts of nice things for me though. He gave me money any time I wanted it and would buy me clothes if I wanted. I would get sick about myself though. It was like I was selling myself to him for the things I wanted to do. I couldn’t tell anybody then because I hadn’t said anything before. They would just say I was a whore. Maybe I was. I felt so rotten. My mother was mad at me a lot because she said he would do anything I asked. I knew she’d be mad if she found out why.

Then he put me on restriction just because I came home late from the movies. I wasn’t even with a boy, but he still got mad. He said I couldn’t go anywhere for a month and then he slapped me and called me a tramp. I was real scared and mad at him and mad at my mom.

The next day in school I kept crying and they took me to the counselor. First I told her it was because my stepdad had slapped me, but then I told her the truth. Then everything got to be a big mess. She called the cops and they arrested him. He didn’t stay in jail long though.

Everybody is mad at me now. I’m living with my aunt and I’m not supposed to see him anymore. I know what he did was wrong, but sometimes I still feel like I am to blame. It is hard to shake the feeling that I caused all these problems. I wonder if I will ever feel different.
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Facts About Sexual Abuse

Facts About Sexual Abuse
  • One out of every three girls and one out of every eight boys will be sexually abused by age 18.
  • Eighty to ninety percent of offenders are family members or someone close to the family.
  • When sexual abuse occurs within a family, it is likely to continue for a period of time, even years, until it is discovered and stopped.
  • Both males and females sexually offend, however males represent a higher percentage of known sex offenders.
  • The media reports information on the highest risk offenders; however the majority of sex offenders are unknown to the general public either because information isn’t publicized or because they haven’t been caught yet.
  • While most other criminals decrease their criminal activity as they age, sex offenders typically do not. Most sex offenders continue to offend until they are physically incapable. Successful completion of sex offender treatment can interrupt this behavior; however extreme caution around children will continue to be necessary.
  • Child sexual abuse usually begins with a sex offender gaining both the parent’s and the child’s trust and friendship. Once a relationship has been established, the offender will begin to test the child’s knowledge and ability to protect themselves. Sexual jokes, back rubs, “accidental” sexual touching, and hugging, often done in the presence of the parent, are utilized to “test the waters”. If the offender isn’t given the message that these behaviors are inappropriate he/she will increase the amount and type of sexual exposure. To adjust the child to sexual activity, offenders commonly utilize casual or “accidental” exposure to pornography. This entire process is known as grooming.
  • Children who are well informed and empowered to act, and who have someone who will listen to them can, in many cases, prevent or stop sexual abuse. Offenders do not usually choose victims who are likely to resist or tell.
      • Sexual abuse can cause long-lasting problems well into adulthood. It is important to get your child into counseling after abuse has been disclosed. It is also often necessary and healthy for adult survivors of child sexual abuse to re-enter counseling at various periods of their life to assist in working through issues that resurface.
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http://www.tellinitlikeitis.net/about
When I first announced that I was launching a series of articles about child safety and child sexual abuse issues, I wasn’t quite prepared for the number of emails I received from people wanting to not only express their appreciation that I’m doing this series, but several of them wanted to tell me their personal story of being a victim of sexual abuse, but didn’t feel comfortable leaving a public comment on the post. You may be wondering why I’m even doing this series, since the subject of sexually abused children tends to send chills down the spine of most parents, including mine.
I’ll tell you why I’m doing these posts. I was a victim of sexual abuse when I was a young child, and when I became an adult I did a tremendous amount of research on the subject in order to learn the facts about children being sexually abused, so I could do everything possible to protect my own children from ever becoming a victim.
But, it didn’t work. Despite knowing the statistics and all the known signs and symptoms of child sexual abuse; understanding the “grooming” methods child molesters often use on intended victims; teaching and reminding my children about “good touch, bad touch” on a regular basis; having excellent communication with my children; one of my sons was sexually abused at a young age by a highly respected church minister and close family friend, inside the church we attended at that time.
If you think it is only necessary to watch out for “strangers” who might want to hurt your child, you would be mistaken. You know, “stranger danger” and all that jazz. That is a myth, so forget that idea. Having been abused myself, and being the mother of a child who was sexually abused, I have a lot to say to people who are either uninformed, misinformed, or completely and utterly clueless.
4 Common Myths about Child Sexual Abuse:
Myth #1: You believe that since you live in a nice, safe neighborhood, where you know all your neighbors on a first name basis, and your children play with their children, hanging out at each other’s houses etc, that all is well on the home front.
Fact: Child sexual abuse can happen anywhere, in any neighborhood, in every religion or church group, covering all racial boundaries or ethnic groups, and it certainly doesn’t matter how rich or poor you are. You can live in a beautiful, gated-community of homes worth millions of dollars, and your child is still not protected from being molested or abused.
According to the U.S. Department of Justice national statistics, 1 out of 3 girls and 1 out of 5 boys will become victims of sexual abuse by the time they reach their 18th birthday. Not only that, but statistics show that children in elementary school are the most vulnerable and likely targets, and children with disabilities have even higher risk factors. That’s not good news for parents with little children, making it vitally important for parents to become educated about the prevalence of child sexual abuse in society today, without becoming completely paranoid about it.
Myth #2: You have already talked with your children about not allowing anyone to touch their private parts, perhaps even calling those body parts by their proper name, and you believe that’s pretty much all there is to do. You may even have said to your children something like, “No matter what, you can always tell me anything that is on your mind, and I will believe you”.
Fact: Sexual abuse occurs by forcing or manipulating a child in a way that allows the sexual offender to touch the child’s private parts (which may or may not include penetration), or takes photo’s of children without any clothes on, or when an offender exposes themselves to a child, etc. Children need to be taught about sexual abuse, and they need to learn and know the words “sexual abuse”. Listen, you can tell your children over and over about “good touch vs. bad touch” and proper names of body parts, but if your child doesn’t know the correct terminology, how are they going to know how to tell you they were “sexually abused”?!
Myth #3: Most sexual abuse cases are committed by people who are complete strangers to you or your child.
Fact: Closely monitoring the online database for sex offenders who may have moved into your neighborhood simply isn’t enough. 85-90% of child sexual abuse cases are committed by trusted family members and close friends. That includes fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles, grandparents, cousins, babysitters, daycare workers, boyfriends of single mom’s, fellow church members and clergy, and so on.
If I have to write a thousand more posts about sexually abused children, to make it crystal clear who the most likely offenders are, I will write them gladly if it will help just one more parent develop greater awareness to this issue.
Myth #4: You believe that your child would automatically tell you that he or she had been sexually abused. You may say to yourself, “My child and I have such great communication, that I KNOW my child would come and tell me immediately”.
Fact: Most sexually abused children do not tell anyone they were abused, even when directly asked by parents or other authority figures. Victims of sexual abuse are often too afraid that the news will hurt their parents, or they are afraid of not being believed, or they were threatened in some way by the offender.
While some schools offer programs that provide useful information and resources, for children and parents alike, the responsibility of educating children about sexual abuse belongs to the parents. And by the way, sexual abuse does occur in schools too!
Were you a victim of child sexual abuse at some point in your life? Are you a parent of a child who was sexually abused, perhaps now dealing with the agony of not knowing it was happening? Even if you personally have never been abused in this way, I can promise you that someone you know has been victimized sexually, but they just haven’t told you their personal story.
Further Reading-
Signs and Symptoms of Child Sexual Abuse
The Profile of A Pedophile: Identifying Characteristics and Behaviors of Child Molesters
Launching the Child Safety and Child Sexual Abuse Series
Why Kids Don’t Tell? Talking to Your Children about Sexual Abuse
Sexual Abuse Books-Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse-Healing Sexual Abuse
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Iowa State University
http://www.savp.iastate.edu/abuse/statistics.html

Sexual Abuse Statistics

Sexual Abuse Statistics:

  • 90% of all campus rapes occur when alcohol has been used by either the assailant or the victim. (Facts on Tap website)
  • One in twelve college males admit to having committed acts that meet the legal definition of rape or acquaintance rape. (Facts on Tap website)
  • 55% of female students and 75% of male students involved in acquaintance rape admit to having been drinking or using drugs when the incident occurred. (Facts on Tap website)
  • Female college freshman are at the highest risk for sexual assault between the first day of school and Thanksgiving break. (Facts on Tap website)
  • Every two and a half minutes, somewhere in America someone is sexually assaulted. (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, RAINN website)
  • In 2003, there were 198,850 victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault. (2003 National Crime Victimization Survey (NCVS))
  • 1 in 4 girls are sexually assaulted before the age of 18. (Federal Bureau of Investigation, 1999)
  • A recently published eight year study indicates that when perpetrators of rape are current or former husbands or boyfriends, the crimes go unreported to police 77 percent of the time. When perpetrators are friends or acquaintances, the rapes go unreported 61 percent of the time; and when the perpetrators are strangers, the rapes go unreported 54 percent of the time. (Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2002)
  • 84% of sexual assault victims know the offender. (National Victim Center, 1992. US Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics, 1991)
  • One out of every six American women have been the victims of an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime (Prevalence, Incidence and Consequences of Violence Against Women Survey, National Institute of Justice Centers for Disease & Prevention, 1998)
  • In 2003, nine out of ten rape victims were female. (NCVS 2003)
  • About three percent of American men – a total of 2.78 million men – have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. (Prevalence, Incidence and Consequences of Violence Against Women Survey, 1998)
  • In 2003, one in every ten rape victims was male. (NCVS 2003)

Statistics in Iowa:

  • 2,070 sex offenses were reported to Iowa law enforcement agencies in 2003. (IowaCASA Statistics, 2003)
  • Over 70.4% of rapes reported to Iowa law enforcement in 2003 were committed by someone known to the victim. (IowaCASA Statistics, 2003)
  • 70.8% rape victims knew their attacker. (IowaCASA Statistics, 2003)

Story County SART (Sexual Assault Response Team) statistics:

  • There were 55 SART responses in 2004.
  • Breakdown of the 55 cases in 2004:
    • 65% were between the ages of 18-25
    • 98% were female and 2% male
    • 47% of victims were ISU students
    • 54% were acquaintances
    • 71% of victims reported having used alcohol or other drugs
    • 61% of victims reported that the perpetrator used alcohol or other drugs

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

"The {FRUM} Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure: a Child-lover's Code of Conduct"

FIND OUT WHY RABBIS AND ORTHODOX LEADERS ARE RAVING ABOUT THIS GUIDE

Bond set in Fla. for author of pedophile guide
Phillip Ray Greaves II.
BARTOW, Fla. -- A judge set bail at $15,000 Wednesday for a Colorado man who wrote a how-to guide for pedophiles.
Phillip Greaves of Pueblo is charged with violating the state's obscenity law, a third-degree felony that could land him in prison for five years.
The 47-year-old was arrested Monday in Colorado, but Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd claims jurisdiction in the case because Greaves sold and mailed a copy of his book to undercover deputies in Florida who had requested a copy.
Court-appointed public defender Francis Solorzano, assigned because Greaves could not afford an attorney, first asked Judge John Kirkland to drop the case.
"Any finding of probable cause would tend to have a chilling effect on free speech," Solorzano said. "What we're dealing here is mere words. There are no images in the book."
But Kirkland said the judge who signed the arrest warrant had already found probable cause and he could not override that decision.
The self-published book - "The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure: a Child-lover's Code of Conduct" - caused a flap when it showed up on Amazon in November. It was later removed from the site.
Greaves, who has no criminal record, writes in the book that pedophiles are misunderstood, as the word literally means to love a child. He adds it is only a crime to act on sexual impulses toward children, and offers advice that purportedly allows pedophiles to abide by the law.
Judd said he was incensed when he heard about the book and that no one had arrested Greaves for selling it. The book, Judd said, included first-person descriptions of sexual encounters, purportedly written from a child's point of view.
During the hearing Wednesday, Greaves' attorney asked Kirkland to reduce or eliminate the $15,000 bond.
"It is 15 times the standard bond schedule for a third-degree felony," Solorzano said. "That should be considered excessive."
But prosecutor Brad Copley said the state believes the $15,000 bond "is on the low side."
Kirkland decided to keep the bond at $15,000. If Greaves does post it, he must stay in the state of Florida, not use a computer and not have contact with anyone under 18.
Solorzano said it is unlikely Greaves will be able to raise the bail money. He is being held at the Polk County Jail and told local media on Tuesday that he "only has sex with grown-ups" and that writing and selling his book falls under his constitutional right to free speech.
He is charged under Florida's obscenity law, which prohibits the "distribution of obscene material depicting minors engaged in conduct harmful to minors."
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Pope, Gedolim reflect on the 70's




Pope Benedict used his annual speech to Rome's cardinals and bishops on Monday (Dec. 20) to ask them to reflect on the church's responsibility in the child sex abuse scandals.
Benedict qualified his mea culpa by stating that the scandal (in which priests who sexually abused children were often ignored or protected by the Catholic Church) was partly justified by the broader social context. Benedict said that while the church accepted some responsibility, he could not be silent about ''the context of these times.... There is a market in child pornography that seems in some way to be considered more and more normal by society." [History of Pornography No More Prudent Than Present]
Benedict claimed that as recently as the 1970s, "pedophilia was theorized as something fully in conformity with man and even with children." In this climate, the Catholic Church's actions were merely reflecting the moral relativism of the times: "It was maintained — even within the realm of Catholic theology — that there is no such thing as evil in itself or good in itself," Benedict said. That is, church leaders weren't sure if child sexual abuse was wrong, since secular society seemed to accept it.
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Theodore A. Sypnier, a 101-year-old pedophile, went to prison last spring saying he would rather die than spend another day behind bars.
He died early Tuesday, and his daughter says the family is relieved.
"The world is that much safer because he is not here," said Martha Juchnowski, his daughter and one of his victims. "I think I can speak for my family: There is a sense of relief. This has been a horrible thing that has been hanging over our heads all our lives."
Sypnier, the oldest inmate imprisoned by the state, died of natural causes at 12:23 a.m. Tuesday in a prison medical unit, according to Linda M. Foglia, spokeswoman for the Department of Correctional Services.
Before he was sent back to prison in April on a parole violation, Sypnier, weeping, told The Buffalo News, "I don't want to go back. I'd rather die."
As word spread of his death, no tears were being shed for the man who authorities said sexually attacked children for decades in Buffalo and later in the Town of Tonawanda.
"I hope this brings a little bit of comfort to his family and those he hurt so deeply. You can't go back and change things," said the Rev. Terry J. King, whose organization, Saving Grace Ministries, assists ex-convicts.
Sypnier had received temporary shelter in King's East Side halfway house after he was released on parole in the fall of 2009.
"We did not want him to hurt again or victimize anyone. Certainly he had hurt enough people through his lifetime," King said. "It is sad all the way around."
Last Wednesday, Sypnier's health began to fail, and he was transferred from Groveland Correctional Facility in Livingston County to the Coxsackie Correctional Facility's regional medical unit in Greene County, south of Albany.
A prison chaplain spoke with Sypnier in his final days, but Juchnowski said she was not aware that he had expressed any remorse.
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Male Survivor




10 Daily Affirmations for Male Survivors
Howard Fradkin, Ph.D., LICDC, Co-Chairperson, MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recovery
  1. Recovery is absolutely possible and achievable for me.
  2. I will practice being disloyal to dysfunction and loyal to functionality.
  3. I give myself permission to connect to loving, affirmative, strong, sensitive, accepting men and women in my community.
  4. I release and forgive myself for any responsibility I have accepted in the past for my abuse.
  5. The abuser (s) from the past chose to hurt me; I will stop repeating the lie that it just happened to me.
  6. Offering myself daily compassion is necessary for my healing and growth.
  7. I commit to connecting to the boy inside me today so we can play, laugh and experience joy together, even if just for a minute or two.
  8. I believe deep inside me I possess the ability to face the truth of my abuse and to learn to use new tools for healing.
  9. I have the right and the ability to speak the truth of my abuse and deserve to be heard, understood, believed and supported.
  10. Feeling is healing; as I heal, I develop the ability to experience a wider range of emotions to enhance my health and connections to others.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Child Sexual Predator "Rabbi" Yehuda Kolko Arrested Again

Brooklyn rabbi busted for violating order of protection against boy, 12

Monday, November 22nd 2010, 4:00 AM
Rabbi Yehuda Kolko was charged with sexual abuse in 2006.
Egan-Chin/News
Rabbi Yehuda Kolko was charged with sexual abuse in 2006.
A Brooklyn rabbi was arrested for violating an order of protection against a 12-year-old boy he is accused of sexually molesting, police said.
Rabbi Yehuda Kolko was charged with sexual abuse in 2006, accused of molesting students at Yeshiva Torah Temimah in Brooklyn, where he was a teacher. He pleaded guilty to child endangerment.
He was accused of violating an order of protection on Nov. 12 by stopping and glared at one of the victim after they crossed paths on the street.
The boy is set to testify in a civil suit against the school in March, a family advocate said.
"The experience of again being threatened and intimidated by Kolko these past weeks retraumatized him," the boy's father said in a statement to the Daily News. "He can't sleep. He's afraid to go outside."
The father filed a complaint with cops, who arrested Kolko Saturday.
Brooklyn Criminal Court Judge Evelyn Laporte warned Kolko to stay away from his accusers at his arraignment on Sunday night. Kolko was released on his own recognizance.
Defense lawyer Jeffrey Schwartz scoffed at the new charges.
"These days they arrest people if you look at them the wrong way. It's not a crime," said Schwartz, accusing the victims of trying to set up Kolko.


Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2010/11/22/2010-11-22_bust_perv_rabbi_for_glare_at_victim.html#ixzz16GgNhuCf
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The Grooming Process of a Child Sexual Predator.

by Megan Bayliss | More from this Blogger
Grooming is a process of desensitization that predators use on children to prepare and trick them into accepting sexual abuse. Once the predator has gained the child's trust and confidence, they use everyday behaviours, like telling an inappropriate joke, a touch on the upper arm that lingers a little too long or a kiss on the lips to test whether your child is likely to tell on them. If the perpetrator is satisfied that your child won't tell, the predator moves onto other forms of bad touching. If the child still doesn't tell, then the abuse continues along the continuum of abuse from non contact, to contact and often ending with penetration and sometimes even homicide.
Just as we groom ourselves before going out to make us look presentable, predators often groom themselves as wonderful, caring people. They may involve themselves in your family's life and often do great things in the community. This is a trick. This is their game. This is their way of being open about being sneaky and of gaining more access to your child. They often set themselves up to be high profile in a community and they spend a lot of energy in ensuring their innocence. They can sometimes be the person that we would first approach to baby-sit while we go to dinner. They are so good with the kids, so loving and protective, so eager to assist.
Grooming can take many months, and includes grooming adults around the child. Including you. The child's support networks are groomed to disbelieve any thing their child may say about bad touches. The predator may try to win your confidence and support by having some quick conversations with you about a lie the child told or they may even suggest that there's something unbalanced about your child. They do it so caringly and openly portray their concern and willingness to support you. The quick comments may well be true. The child may have lied or may even be acting out of character. But, just remember that if a child lies once it doesn't doom them to an eternal cycle of lying. If ever your child says they've been abused, always believe them, even if you think it's impossible. Remember, your thoughts of impossibility may be because you've been groomed.
Developed world research suggests that eighty-five percent of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by somebody well known to the child: somebody that has access to your child on an ongoing basis. This may suggest that the grooming has become so entrenched into our daily life that we fail to recognize it as grooming. Predators need access to children and the family home is a great place to find kids.
Sometimes we are married to the perpetrators and do not know it because they have groomed us so well. Yes, even some parents sexually abuse their own children. Females too, sexually abuse. Mostly though, parents and grandparents love their children and want to protect them. If you know a family member, or anyone else, who may be abusing children you need to get them some help. The only way to get help is to tell someone in a position to act upon and stop the abuse: the police or child welfare authority in your state. You cannot assist, or change perpetrators, because you would do so at the risk of your child. Failure to protect children is as bad as abusing the child yourself. Darkness to Light suggests that an average serial perpetrator may abuse 400 children in a lifetime. By not protecting one child, you are also failing to protect other children. Please report.
In this age of terrorism, we are quick to act on any suspicious activity. We are trying to prevent further acts of terror by recognizing the warning signs and intervening before something happens. Child sexual abusers are domestic terrorists and their acts affect our children for many years to come. Prevent the infiltration of domestic terrorism by recognizing the grooming process and stopping it now.
In tomorrow's blog we'll look at why children don't always tell you they've been abused. Believe it or not, the silence can also be a part of the grooming process. In the meantime, here's some related Families.com articles to ponder: Our children in danger from sexual molestors. Coping with sexual assault. Coping with sexual assault 2. Teaching children about child molesters. The epidemic of online child sexual crimes.

Friday, October 29, 2010

90% of all children sexually assaulted by someone they know and trust



By Samuel Newhouse
Brooklyn Daily Eagle JAY STREET — An Orthodox Jewish child molester who was sentenced to a maximum of 30 years earlier this year appeared in Brooklyn Supreme Court Wednesday for a pretrial hearing in yet another case of alleged sexual abuse of a minor.
Baruch Lebovits, 59, of Borough Park, who was convicted of sexually molesting a teenager in his community, appeared before Kings County Supreme Court Justice Patricia Di Mango, the same Brooklyn judge who sentenced him in April to 10 2/3 to 32 years in prison.
Justice Di Mango gave Lebovits the maximum sentence for each of eight counts of abusing a 16-year-old Borough Park resident, whom Lebovits lured on several occasions in 2004 and 2005 to his silver Toyota for “driving lessons” before performing oral sex on the victim, who was a friend of Lebovits’ son.
Now Lebovits has at least one more active sexual abuse case and could face even more indictments, as several alleged victims came forward after Lebovits was sentenced. Sources in law enforcement have called the crimes Lebovits has been charged with “the tip of the iceberg.”
One alleged victim said Lebovits fondled him in a mikvah or ritual bath while the victim was a teen, but made the claim after being arrested himself for allegedly fondling a 12-year-old in a mikvah, according to the Daily News.
Despite these allegations, Lebovits, a cantor (traditional Jewish singer) and a local teacher, still has some supporters in the community. But the father of the victim whose testimony led to Lebovits’ April sentence has called Lebovits a “grand-molester.”

Read more: http://www.brooklyneagle.com/categories/category.php?category_id=4&id=38583

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http://www.csasurvivor.net/?page_id=222

JAMAICA:PUBLIC OUTRAGE, EXPOSE MOLESTERS NOW!

Mary Clarke.jpg
MARY CLARKE, Children’s Advocate, on Wednesday appealed to members of the public not to shield child abusers. She made the appeal while addressing the launch of the child abuse prevention campaign at the Bustamante Children’s Hospital. She said her office was concerned that children who are to appear before the courts as victims of rape and carnal abuse often miss court dates.
“When the summons are to be served for them to come to court, they cannot be found. Mother’s don’t know, guardians don’t know, community members don’t know, and after the date of the case, the child reappears,” she said.
“I am calling on you today to be responsible citizens - that is being very irresponsible. You are protecting abusers, you are helping no one.”
SIMILAR APPEAL
Howard Hamilton.jpg
Public Defender, Howard Hamilton, also made a similar appeal. He said men who have sex with one-month-old babies and young children because they believe that they can be cured from a sexually transferred disease should cease this atrocity. “This can no longer continue, men cannot be allowed to go to a four-month-old infant, so let this be a turning point in Jamaica,” he said.
Mrs. Clarke said since the beginning of the year, there were 80 cases of sexual and physical abuse cases reported at the Bustamante Children’s Hospital. Of this number, 14 could not be traced because wrong addresses were given.
“Parents, guardians, caregivers, you have a responsibility for your children. You must give the correct addresses and phone numbers. Why are you concealing the children who need the psycho-social support to help them get over the hurt that they have felt, why? Why are you hiding the abusers?” she asked.
She said of the 14, five were assaulted and nine were physically injured. She said during last year, there were 8,275 victims of major crimes. Of this number, 24 per cent were children under 14 years old.
Rose Robinson-Hall, chairman and coordinator of the Child Abuse Mitigation Project at the Bustamante Children’s Hospital, told The Gleaner that the child abuse campaign would involve in-house training of staff to recognise behaviours that are abusive and to be able to respond appropriately to these cases. 

AWARENESS IS YOUR BEST DEFENSE

  • dog_head.jpg
BECOME A WATCHDOG 
“AWARENESS IF YOUR BEST DEFENSE” 
OVER HALF A MILLION SEXUAL PREDATORS LIVING IN COMMUNITIES ACROSS THE UNITED STATES
SEXUAL ABUSE BEFORE 18TH BIRTHDAY IS A REALITY FOR GIRLS AND BOYS
  • 1 in 5 girls will be sexually assaulted before 18
  • 1 in 6 boys will be sexually assaulted before 18
  • 1 in 5 children propositioned on the Internet
  • 90% of all children sexually assaulted by someone they know and trust

According to a National Institute of Justice study done in 1996, child sexual abuse costs America $23 billion.
  • Victims of child sexual abuse generally spend more on psychiatric care services throughout their lives
  • More is spent on special educational services.
  • The loss in potential and productivity, and these expenses would not be necessary if not for sexual abuse and its financial drain to each and everyone of us
A FRIEND OF THE FAMILY MAY BE NO FRIEND AT ALL
  • 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused or sexually assaulted by their 18th birthday
  • The perpertrators aren’t “dirty old men hiding in the bushes” but family members
For More Information http://www.familywatchdog.us

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TWENTY-FOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT PROFESSIONAL PRACTICE IN THE AREA OF CHILD ABUSE
  1. What constitutes child abuse and neglect?
  2. Who has to report child abuse and neglect?
  3. If I report, am I breaking confidentiality?
  4. Under what circumstances do I have a duty to report child abuse?
  5. How do I report? and What information am I required to disclose in a child abuse report?
  6. Will I get in trouble if I do not report child abuse as required under laws of my state?
  7. Will I get in trouble if I do report? and Can I be sued by the person I report?
  8. Do I have to report every instance of child abuse?
  9. Do I have to report if the suspected abuser is in treatment or if I believe the reporting would do more harm than good?
  10. What will be the response to my report?
  11. Are there issues I should consider for disclosure?
  12. How shall I handle a child’s disclosure of abuse by a parent?
  13. How shall I handle a child’s disclosure of abuse by a non-family member?
  14. What are some possible effects for the child, the family, and treatment when a disclosure or report are made?
  15. What are possible beneficial effects of reporting for the child and family?
  16. What are some of the possible personal issues I should be aware of in handling disclosure and reporting?
  17. What are the characteristics and symptoms of a child who has been abused?
  18. How do I recognize and verify what abuse had occurred?
  19. Are there psychological measures to assist in evaluations of victims of child abuse?
  20. What special considerations are there in the assessment of victims of child abuse?
  21. What are the emotional demands of providing intervention services to victims of child abuse?
  22. What roles can I play in supporting and providing intervention services to the victims of child abuse?
  23. How do I provide treatment to a child who has been abused?
  24. What are the therapeutic issues, reasonable goals, and special considerations when providing treatment to a child who has been abused?
From The American Psychological Association’s (APA, 1995) Committee on Professional Practice and Standards
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EXPOSE THE PERP: THE AFTERMATH

As you heal from child sexual abuse and talk more about the trauma, you will become more comfortable with what you tell others, especially family members.
The details you share of the abuse is up to you, and you can choose to share what you are confident about. Usually a survivor will share with a family member you are most comfortable with, because you will receive various responses from family.
Usually a survivor will tell a family member what took place and immediately the family member will want to know what exactly happened between you and perpertrator. Then after the family member has time to absorb the information they will want to talk more about the perpertrator.
Family members will express different emotions,and ask all sorts of questions. Believe it or not this communication will help make a better relationship between family members, because communication is taking place and that is one of the key steps to healing.
Now as a survivor you have the option to answer and not answer questions, the ones that make you uncomfortable, you need to say that you cannot answer. As a general rule, your privacy and boundaries are important here.
Each time your family asks questions about the abuse, be prepared for different reactions, be thoughtful of your family’s emotions now, because these emotions will affect you too. As these discussions take place, a survivor can reexperience thoughts about the sexual abuse that they resolved. This is normal part of what happens when telling the family what happened.
Please be prepared that not all family members will believe what you have to say about the perpertrator, you may feel angry with family for this, even sad, but it is important that you know the truth, and again ” the truth shall set you free”, and its not about changing anyone else but changing and healing yourself.. As you heal you will become better at setting boundaries, and developing healthy relationships, promoting safety and trust in your life. Family members who respect and trust you are those you keep close to you. To avoid unstable relationship there must be trust, not chaos, crisis and inconsistency, and as a survivor we want to definelty avoid this in our lives.
Here are few ideas:
Establishing Boundaries:
No one touches you without your permission and consent, and you touch no one without their persmission and consent.
Choose who you want to be sexual with, some one who is safe and you feel comfortable and who you have a reciprocity in terms of respect, love and care.
Trust is conditional; people earn trust, as well they earn yours. There are different levels of trust for different people.
Do not tolerate disrespectful behavior and speak up when it happens.
Honor your feelings and those of others
Stand up for your self and believe in you right to do so.
Give yourself permission to be who you are and to try new experiences
Affirm your life today, and acknowledge the good that exist in your life today
Take time for yourself and not allow others to intrude on your time. Say no and do not feel guilty.
Praise yourself often.
Excerpts from Healing from the Trauma of Sexual abuse by Karen Duncan.
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CONFRONTING ABUSE IN THE ORTHODOX COMMUNITY
(This article first appeared in NEFESH)
By Rabbi Yosef Blau
It is no longer possible to ignore the tragic reality that sexual, physical and emotional
abuse exists within the Orthodox community. Recent revelations about rabbis and
teachers abusing adolescents, often continuing to abuse for decades, dramatically remind
us that our existing mechanisms are failing to deal with the problem. I am not aware of
any statistics which clarify whether the numbers of offenders is substantial, but even a
small number can traumatize hundreds of victims.
The full measure of the horrendous nature of abuse is not always apparent from a
technical halakhic perspective. Two teenagers touching each other inappropriately are
guilty of the same sin as a forty-year old rabbi touching a thirteen- year old female
student. We intuitively recognize that the rabbi has used his position as an authority
figure to manipulate a vulnerable child, though she is an adult according to halakha. A
pedophile who abuses minors even if he gets their approval is halakhicly a rapist but not
if he does the same with an adolescent boy or girl.
It is even more difficult to pinpoint the sin when dealing with emotional abuse and
manipulation. While one can make similar technical arguments in other areas of halakha,
its significance in this context is its use as cover for the many who do not want to deal
with the full implications of confronting rabbinical abuse. Not wanting to see themselves
as lacking sympathy for victims, people can claim to be concerned about preserving
halkhic standards. How rare it is to have two witnesses who saw the abuse.
Even when the pattern of abuse is clear the question remains how to effectively deal with
the abuser in a way that at least limits his ability to move elsewhere and continue to abuse
new people. Schools fire abusive teachers who then move to another community and
start teaching (and abusing) in the new yeshiva. Going public is seen as causing a chilul
Hashem and going to secular authorities as mesira.
Virtually all poskim agree that if there is danger to future victims then there is no
halakhic issue of mesira but practically the taboo of mesira remains. Victims are
discouraged from coming forward on other grounds as well. It will hurt potential
shidduchim, not only for the victim but for members of his family as well. Compassion
is expressed for the reputations of members of the abuser’s family as well. The
probability that the family members may have suffered abuse themselves and suffer from
being in ongoing contact with the abuser, is not understood.
Taking the accusation to a Beis Din unfortunately is rarely effective. Few rabbis have
any training in recognizing abuse and the rabbinical courts have no investigative arm.
Some abusers are charismatic leaders and have followers who will say whatever they ask
them to say. Perjury to a Beis Din is not punished and in many cases the witness, in
support of his mentor, has no difficulty with distorting what occurred. The cultic element
in the guru’s leadership is hard for us to acknowledge. A rabbi promoting Judaism is
seen as incapable of being a cult leader.
Newspapers, particularly Jewish newspapers are assumed to be anti-Orthodox. Speaking
to them is almost the act of a traitor. Yet at the present time the media has played a
primary role in the increased awareness of this problem and an abuser whose name that
has appeared in the media is unlikely to be hired by a new school or youth movement.
Two recent cases point to differing approaches now being used. In one story from Israel
a commission including a rabbi, a psychologist and a judge evaluated allegations and the
accused was fired from his teaching position. He hired a lawyer and is fighting for
reinstatement. The Israeli media have picked up the story. A recent article in Maariv
broadened the discussion to quote varying views about rabbis counseling married women.
The other case involved allegations that had been investigated twenty years ago and a
resulting agreement that an individual would leave Jewish education, which was not
effectively enforced. After two decades it became difficult to reconstruct what had
occurred. Supporters of the accused spoke freely to the media while victims used
pseudonyms. New allegations surfaced and a major expose appeared in the papers and a
new Beit Din was formed to decide how to deal with the accusations. While no formal
announcement has been made, their apparent decision was to send the case to a religious
court in Israel that will deal with the charges.
Despite growing awareness and concern no consensus has yet emerged. Rabbis are not
trained to recognize abuse nor given an approach to aid them in responding when they
realize that it is occurring. Principals are not equipped to respond to accusations against
teachers in their schools. Rabbinical organizations do not have rules of appropriate
conduct. Accused abusers retain memberships in these organizations without any process
to remove their names.
Our community has not been educated to recognize abuse nor to appreciate the ongoing
trauma of victims. Headlines in newspapers are not effective educational tools. Often
the response is to express anger at the paper and then ignore the abuse. Until the
mentality of the community changes little progress will be made.
Even if a method will be developed to get rabbinical approval for victims to go to the
police much of the problem will remain. Not every manifestation of abuse involves
criminal behavior. “Rabbis” who seduce women as part of outreach or marital therapy
are not guilty of a punishable offence. Proper utilization of secular authorities is a
necessary step but clearly not a total solution.
In Chicago, after there were a number of serious incidents, a special Beit Din, whose
members are respected across the Orthodox spectrum, was established to deal with
accusations of abuse. Similar rabbinical courts in other major cities, whose judges would
be trained to recognize abuse and would have appropriate mental health professionals as
consultants, should be introduced. Creating special rabbinical courts is a powerful
statement that a serious problem needs to be addressed.
Nefesh professionals have a critical role to play in educating the Orthodox community,
in treating and supporting victims and in serving as consultants for schools and
organizations. Only people who are trained can lead a systematic campaign explaining
the nature of abuse and the need to confront it openly. Stigma has to be removed from
victims. Invariably when the identity of an abuser is revealed the response of far too
many is “We have known that for years.” Enabling abusers to continue, covering their
crimes to protect the image of the community, contribute to innocents being traumatized.
Judith Herman in her book on trauma points out that both the abuser and the victims turn
to others for support. The victim needs action while the abuser only asks for our silence.
It is time to stop the silence. The true chilul Hashem is that we allow victims to continue
to suffer in order to preserve our community’s image. 

Thursday, June 24, 2010

"Rabbi" Shlomo Mandel Cries Crocodile Tears For Rubashkin - Still Employs Pedophile Rebbe (Nussbaum) At YOB - Shanda!!!



The little man at the helm acting and screeching, grabbing a Kleenex, is a coward and an ignoramus. A small man accorded kovod for his putrid attempt to threaten and silence parents who wanted to go to the police and report a child molester in the 90's, and who still teaches boys today at Yeshiva Of Brooklyn.
The inmates are running the asylum!

Without getting into what sounds like forced "weeping" during the Tehillim bonanza for Rubashkin, what struck me the most is the hypocrisy surrounding the Mosdos, and what they view as essential, and more importantly the perception they emanate loud and clear - child sexual-abuse is an afterthought unworthy of Tehillim gatherings or taking concrete steps to eliminate offenders from having unconditional access to children.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Politics At The Expense Of Children's Lives

Marci Hamilton's Article hits the nail right on the head!

 http://writ.news.findlaw.com/hamilton/20100610.html
Marci 
Hamilton

Reforming the Statute of Limitations for Child Sex Abuse: New York's Child Victims Act Shouldn't Be Political, But It Is

By MARCI A. HAMILTON
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Last week, the New York Child Victims Act (available at http://open.nysenate.gov/legislation/bill/S5893A) was defeated in the Senate Codes Committee. For New York's children, it was a choice that favors child predators, and therefore a bad day. However, it was an interesting session and the bill will be re-introduced next session -- and every session until it is passed, according to sponsors Assemblywoman Marge Markey and Senator Ruth Hassell-Thompson. The only impact is that child predators have one more year to operate under the anonymity afforded by New York's extremely short statutes of limitations for child sex abuse.
The bill embodies the same type of statute of limitations ("SOL") reform that I've advocated in multiple columns here at FindLaw, and in my book Justice Denied: What America Must Do to Protect Its Children. It would create a short 5-year extension for criminal and civil SOLs for child sex abuse, and it would open a "window" of one year for all past victims to come forward without having to worry about expired statutes of limitations. The extension is too short in my view, but the window is absolutely crucial to identifying child predators.
As I've explained, such reform is the only tried-and-true method for identifying hidden child perpetrators, as the enactment of the legislation establishing the California SOL window proved. In this column, I'll further discuss New York's continuing experience with reform for children.
The Recent History of the New York CVA
After the CVA thrice passed in the New York Assembly, Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver told the Senate that he would be more than willing to get the bill to the floor in the Assembly again, but first, it needs to be passed by the Senate.
Thus, the Senate's Codes Committee was the first stop. As noted above, the CVA was voted upon there, and lost last week. However, the CVA never even made it into a committee meeting when now-convicted Sen. Joseph Bruno was the Senate Majority Leader, so the fact that the bill even got a vote in a Senate Committee was history itself.
This legislation for child protection should have been a no-brainer. Instead, it has become thoroughly political. Reportedly, New York Senate Republican leader Dean Skelos ordered Republicans to vote against it in a bloc, and they did so in Committee -- even those who had told survivors they favored the bill and would vote for it.
If there had been any doubt about the source of the most virulent opposition to the bill, Senator Lanza made it crystal clear: It continues to be the Catholic Conference. Lanza basically spoke from their playbook, claiming that giving child-sex-abuse victims the ability to go to Court would "ruin" the Church, and that the introduction of the bill was driven by anti-Catholic animus. He became quite passionate, insisting that no one was going to "destroy my church." Sen. Flanagan, too, took his cue from the Catholic Conference, claiming (inaccurately) that the same bill has bankrupted the Church in California.
In sharp contrast, the hero of the day for children was Chair Eric Schneiderman, who, in measured tones, stated that the issue was a hard one, but in the United States, those who are harmed should have a remedy. With respect to New York's child-sex-abuse victims, the vast majority have been blocked from receiving any remedy at all because of overly-short SOLs. (The lack of such remedies not only leaves the victim without justice, but also allows known perpetrators to continue to enjoy secrecy and impunity.)
Schneiderman also responded to Senator Flanagan, correctly pointing out that the Church was not, in fact, bankrupted in California. Indeed, the only California diocese to bring voluntary bankruptcy proceedings was the San Diego Diocese, which was publicly chastised by the bankruptcy judge for misleading her about the extent of its impressive wealth. No services were cut, and no parishes or schools were closed because the victims created by the Church were permitted to go to court.
In the Codes Committee, three Democrats joined the Republicans in voting against letting the bill go to the floor, though none appeared at the Committee meeting, voting only in absentia. Sen. Shirley Huntley, whose website claims she has been a strong advocate for children, was a particular disappointment. Sen. Breslin, who is Catholic, and Sen. Jeff Klein also voted against SOL reform.
Legislators Who Seem to Care More About the Vandalism of Property than the Well-Being of Children
Here is where New York politics waltzed into Alice in Wonderland territory: Mere days after the Codes Committee killed the CVA this session, Sen. Jeff Klein -- one of a number of Senators who couldn't be bothered to show up for the Codes Committee vote on the CVA -- joined Archbishop Timothy Dolan and other religious leaders to tout S.1909, (available at http://open.nysenate.gov/legislation/api/1.0/html/bill/S1909), which increases the criminal penalties for vandalism of church and synagogue properties.
Klein, who was recently embroiled in an alleged pay-to-play scandal when he was caught selling $50,000 "exclusive meetings" to special interest groups, apparently has taken an active role in fighting against the vandalism of church walls. According to the Yonkers Insider, " In February of this year, Senator Klein helped clean up graffiti on the rectory wall of Saint Francis Xavier Church in Morris Park in the Bronx. Saint Francis Xavier Pastor Father Matthew Fiore reached out to Senator Klein's office after finding the graffiti on the rectory wall on the first floor of the church on the morning of Friday, February 19th. Within 24 hours of the Pastor contacting Klein's office, Senator Klein and his graffiti clean-up crew went to the church to remove the graffiti."
To quote one of the victims of incest who has been fighting for the CVA, in light of Klein's indifference to child-sex-abuse victims, his swiftness in addressing church graffiti issues was like a "kick in the gut." Recently, all one hears about is the mishandling of child sex abuse within the Catholic Church worldwide. Yet somehow, in New York, the Catholic Conference was capable of stifling all child-sex-abuse victims' claims and, at the very same time, obtaining for itself additional penalties against those who damage its property. You don't have to be a genius to figure out that the New York Catholic Conference is putting property ahead of children's safety in light of these two developments, spanning just two days!
New York's Archbishop Has Proven Himself Indifferent to Children's Victimization
How could New York Archbishop Timothy Dolan be so tone-deaf that he would create the circumstances for such an unflattering and, frankly, unChristian, pairing of issues? Didn't Jesus throw out the moneychangers from the temple and threaten all who harmed the little ones? Once again, the Catholic bishops lack any sense of how what they do resonates with child-sex-abuse victims. They are persistently indifferent.
This incapacity for empathy with victims of priests was further underscored last week by the Pope, when he included Dolan on the committee of bishops that is charged with looking into the Irish child-sex-abuse situation. From a child-sex-abuse victim's perspective, what has Dolan done so far? As the Archbishop of Milwaukee -- his former post -- he succeeded in keeping the secrets of the Milwaukee Archdiocese by killing CVA reform when he was there. And now, he has succeeded on the same score in New York. One victim after another has blogged that putting Dolan on such a committee is the equivalent of letting the fox guard the henhouse. Some of them were even sharper in their language—describing the decision as a move that charged the fox with guarding the little chicks in the henhouse, easy pickings.
Currently, New York has one of the stingiest statutes of limitations for child sex abuse in the entire country -- 18 years-old for criminal charges and 23 for civil claims. In the future, it is inevitable that New York will radically expand these statutes of limitations for child sex abuse, because justice demands it, and because that is the trend in the entire country. Florida just eliminated all of its statutes of limitations for child sex abuse; Delaware did the same thing in 2007; Connecticut gives victims until age 48; Pennsylvania until age 53; New Jersey has a liberal discovery rule (which New York courts rejected, saying it was an issue for the legislature). Thus, the Catholic Conferences have their fingers in a dike that is crumbling around their hands. Yet it seems that they will keep those fingers in place as long as the bishops' lobbying dollars last, and as long as New York Senate members like Sens. Klein, Lanza, and Flanagan continue to act as they did last week.
Research establishes that one in four girls, and one in five boys, are sexually abused. Not only clergy child-sex-abuse victims, but incest victims too, are increasingly demanding their day in court, and the kind of statute-of-limitations reform that would make that possible. And there are a lot more incest victims than there are clergy victims. As society increasingly acknowledges the gravity and scope of the child-sex-abuse problem, and comes to understand the scientific studies showing that victims often need decades to come forward, citizens will demand laws that fit the needs of the victims, not the perpetrators or the institutions that assigned child abusers to work with children. Given the vital role of SOL reform in identifying perpetrators and creating justice for victims, and the growing political will of the victims, we may soon see New York legislators losing -- not holding -- seats when they let party leadership and the bishops drown out the voices of the victims.

Marci Hamilton, a FindLaw columnist, is the Paul R. Verkuil Chair in Public Law at Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law and author of Justice Denied: What America Must Do to Protect Its Children (Cambridge 2008). A review of Justice Denied appeared on this site on June 25, 2008. Her previous book is God vs. the Gavel: Religion and the Rule of Law (Cambridge University Press 2005), now available in paperback. Her email is hamilton02@aol.com.

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It is unfortunate that it has come to this. It is a big darn shame it has come to this. It is very hurtful that it has come to this. But yet, IT HAS COME TO THIS. It has come at the price of a GREAT CHILUL HASHEM. It has come to Hashem having to allow his holy name to be DESECRATED so that his CHILDREN remain SAFE. Shame on all those responsible for enabling and permitting Hashem's name to be desecrated! When you save children you save the future. You save the future you save generations. You save generations you save lives. You save lives you have saved the world!!!!!!!