Statute of Limitations on Child Sexual Abuse Must Be Abolished

http://www.cleananpress.com/abuse/stories.htm Readings from Dr. Lynn Daugherty's classic bestseller. . . Why Me?      Help for Victims of Child Sexual Abuse      (Even if they are adults now), 4th Edition

When something bad happens to you, it often helps to know you are not alone. You feel better if you know that other people have had the same kinds of problems. Here are some experiences other victims of child sexual abuse (molestation, rape or incest) have had (described in "PG" terms for this website). Some boys or girls were victims of brief incidents of sexual abuse. Other boys or girls were victims of sexual abuse as part of a continuing relationship. Still others were victims of incest. All of these stories are true. The names and some of the details have been changed to protect the privacy of the victims. All these people were victims of sexual abuse when they were children. Was your experience like any of these? Was what happened to you like any of the things that happened to them? Did you feel any of the same emotions? Did you think or do any of the same things they did? Brief incidents Brief incidents of child sexual abuse (molestation, rape or incest) can take many forms. Some have great impact on the victim and others have little effect. Many children, both boys and girls, are victimized in these ways. Here are some of their stories. Connie, age 33 I have always been terrified of hospitals, but I never knew why. Then one day it came back to me. When I was 12, I had my tonsils out. I remember a nurse came into my room one night after my parents had gone home. I was half asleep because of medication. She started rubbing my head, then my body under the sheet. She massaged my breasts, then my thighs and pubic area . . . . I was scared and felt so helpless. I just "froze" until she quit and went away. I have had this really emotional reaction to hospitals ever since but had blocked out that whole incident. Carlos, age 16 I was at the beach one day when I was about 12. I was all alone in the changing room when this old man came in. He came over to me while I was starting to put on my swimming trunks. He grabbed for me but I got away and ran home. I don’t go back there alone anymore. Tina, age 13 I was walking along the road and this guy stopped in a van. He offered me a ride and I said, "No, I am almost home." Then he opened the door and grabbed me by the arm and pulled me in. I was too scared to run. He told me to shut up and sit there. We drove out into the hills and he raped me . . . . He did it twice. He kept saying he knew I liked it. Then he drove me back to town and let me out in the park. I walked home crying. My mom kept asking me what was wrong until I told her. She told my dad and he went wild. I was afraid he was going to hit me, but he kept saying he was just mad at the guy. They took me to the hospital for an examination. I don’t remember much. Then we went to the police station. They were really nice, but they just kept asking me the same questions over and over like they didn’t believe me. The worst part was going back to school. Everybody asked me dumb questions and I felt like a freak. They all knew what had happened. They looked at me weird. I just felt dirty. I’d be sitting there in class and like a dream it would be happening again. I’d see the man and the van. I’d just sit there shaking. I got real upset when we had to go to the preliminary hearing. I couldn’t sleep and then I threw up just before court. I’m so scared that they will let the guy out. Glenda, age 16 It was really weird. I had just gotten my driver’s license and we went over to this older guy’s house. There were three of us girls. They knew him, but I didn’t. He gave us some beer and some pot. We were having a good time. Then he started joking around and trying to undress us. He said I could take his Mustang out for a drive once he "got to know me." We were being silly and were mainly in our underwear then. He was being real friendly, acting silly and tickling us. He showed us his bedroom and he had a video camera by the bed. He wanted us to get on the bed and do things with each other while he filmed it. I wouldn’t do it though and I felt real weird and left. They stayed, but the next day they said they hadn’t done anything. I felt so dirty after that. Wow! If anybody knew what I had been doing there I would have died. He said lots of girls had done that stuff for him, but I don’t know. I’ve been so afraid the other girls would tell somebody what we were doing. Greg, age 20 I was twelve years old when they put me in the juvenile detention center the first time. I had just been hanging around and the cops picked me up for curfew violation. I spent the night there and most of the next day. That night, after the guard had left, the other guy in my room started hassling me. He was bigger but not a lot older, just tough. He wanted me to masturbate him but I wouldn’t. Finally he backed me us against the wall and said, "You’ve got three seconds, sucker! Go down or die!" . . . . After I did what he wanted, then he left me alone. I lay awake all night though, scared to death of him. Read other stories of boys and girls who were victims of brief incidents of child sexual abuse (molestation, rape, and incest) in Why Me? Help for Victims of Child Sexual Abuse (Even if they are adults now) by Dr. Lynn Daugherty. Continuing Relationships Sexual abuse (molestation or rape) often takes place in the context of a continuing relationship. It may go on for a long time before anyone finds out. The boy or girl victim often knows, likes and trusts the abuser. Parents are usually very surprised when they find out what has been happening. Parents usually think of a child molester or a child rapist as a dangerous stranger, not as someone who might be a relative, neighbor or family friend. Read stories of boys and girls victimized in continuing relationships in Why Me? Help for Victims of Child Sexual Abuse (Even if they are adults now) by Dr. Lynn Daugherty. Incest Many boys or girls are sexually abused through incest. Some statistics suggest that as many as one child in every 100 is the victim of incest. Most don’t tell anyone about the abuse until they get older. Some never tell. Jackie’s story is typical of many girls who are sexually abused by their fathers or stepfathers. She was abused by her stepfather for many years before she told anyone. The abuse started gradually but became more frequent and open as time went on. Her mother did little to stop the abuse. Jackie finally reported it as a teenager. Then she was removed from the home. Her stepfather was convicted of child sexual abuse and placed on probation on the condition that he obtain psychological treatment. Jackie, age 18 My stepfather was the one who did it. He started when I was about six, I guess. He would come in to tuck me in at night and sometimes just run his hand over my body. It felt good and I didn’t think that was anything wrong. Later on Daddy started doing other things with his hands . . . . That didn’t seem right but I was supposed to obey him. Then he started kissing me and kissing me under the covers. I must have been ten by then. I was frightened. I knew my mother would punish me if she found out and I knew Daddy would be mad at me, too. I felt like it was my fault, but I didn’t understand how. I didn’t want anyone to find out how bad I was. I remember lying awake in the dark hoping he wouldn’t come. I told myself I would jump up and run if he came, but I never did. I just lay there and hoped he would go away soon. Then I would cry and finally go to sleep. But then I would have nightmares about monsters. One night my mother came in and saw him. She got real mad. He cried and promised never to do it again. She never said anything to me, but I always felt like she was mad at me too. We started to go to church then. He went every night they had a service. Nothing happened again until I was 12. The he started being real nice to me again. By then I was doing a lot of the work around the house. My mother was always tired. She just never seemed very happy. My stepfather and I always had a good time together though. We would go to the grocery store to pick up whatever we needed for dinner. It would be just me and him. My brothers and sisters would stay at home. Sometimes he’d buy me something special on those trips. He always took my part with my younger brother and sisters. They knew they couldn’t mess with me when he was around. It was pretty nice sometimes, the special way he treated me. Then he started coming into my room again at night. I don’t think my mother ever knew about it. He would cry sometimes and say he loved me. He said they’d split up the family if anybody knew what was happening. He said my mom would probably get real sick if she ever found out. He didn’t come in very often. Just a couple of times a month maybe. I started lying awake again waiting for him, hating it. I was so ashamed. What if other people found out? My brothers and sisters said I was the favorite. What if they knew what I had done? I felt so rotten, like I was all alone and always would be. How could I ever tell anybody about anything so awful? I thought about running away or killing myself, but I was afraid to do either one. I wished someone would stop him, but I knew I had to keep doing what he wanted or terrible things would happen. My mom even asked me once if he ever did "those things" to me again. I couldn’t let her know, so I said no. If she had cared more, it seems like she would have checked more though. I guess she just didn’t care as long as I didn’t cause her any problems. Then the trouble started when I wanted to go out with boys. He started getting real mean about letting me leave the house alone. He would make me turn down dates and, when I turned 15, he wouldn’t let me get a driver’s license. He said it gave me too much freedom. He was always asking who I was with, what I was doing and would get mad if boys called me on the phone. Sometimes I saw him in the car following us when I did go out. He would do all sorts of nice things for me though. He gave me money any time I wanted it and would buy me clothes if I wanted. I would get sick about myself though. It was like I was selling myself to him for the things I wanted to do. I couldn’t tell anybody then because I hadn’t said anything before. They would just say I was a whore. Maybe I was. I felt so rotten. My mother was mad at me a lot because she said he would do anything I asked. I knew she’d be mad if she found out why. Then he put me on restriction just because I came home late from the movies. I wasn’t even with a boy, but he still got mad. He said I couldn’t go anywhere for a month and then he slapped me and called me a tramp. I was real scared and mad at him and mad at my mom. The next day in school I kept crying and they took me to the counselor. First I told her it was because my stepdad had slapped me, but then I told her the truth. Then everything got to be a big mess. She called the cops and they arrested him. He didn’t stay in jail long though. Everybody is mad at me now. I’m living with my aunt and I’m not supposed to see him anymore. I know what he did was wrong, but sometimes I still feel like I am to blame. It is hard to shake the feeling that I caused all these problems. I wonder if I will ever feel different. ========================================================================= Facts About Sexual Abuse Facts About Sexual Abuse One out of every three girls and one out of every eight boys will be sexually abused by age 18. Eighty to ninety percent of offenders are family members or someone close to the family. When sexual abuse occurs within a family, it is likely to continue for a period of time, even years, until it is discovered and stopped. Both males and females sexually offend, however males represent a higher percentage of known sex offenders. The media reports information on the highest risk offenders; however the majority of sex offenders are unknown to the general public either because information isn’t publicized or because they haven’t been caught yet. While most other criminals decrease their criminal activity as they age, sex offenders typically do not. Most sex offenders continue to offend until they are physically incapable. Successful completion of sex offender treatment can interrupt this behavior; however extreme caution around children will continue to be necessary. Child sexual abuse usually begins with a sex offender gaining both the parent’s and the child’s trust and friendship. Once a relationship has been established, the offender will begin to test the child’s knowledge and ability to protect themselves. Sexual jokes, back rubs, “accidental” sexual touching, and hugging, often done in the presence of the parent, are utilized to “test the waters”. If the offender isn’t given the message that these behaviors are inappropriate he/she will increase the amount and type of sexual exposure. To adjust the child to sexual activity, offenders commonly utilize casual or “accidental” exposure to pornography. This entire process is known as grooming. Children who are well informed and empowered to act, and who have someone who will listen to them can, in many cases, prevent or stop sexual abuse. Offenders do not usually choose victims who are likely to resist or tell. Sexual abuse can cause long-lasting problems well into adulthood. It is important to get your child into counseling after abuse has been disclosed. It is also often necessary and healthy for adult survivors of child sexual abuse to re-enter counseling at various periods of their life to assist in working through issues that resurface. ======================================================================= http://www.tellinitlikeitis.net/about When I first announced that I was launching a series of articles about child safety and child sexual abuse issues, I wasn’t quite prepared for the number of emails I received from people wanting to not only express their appreciation that I’m doing this series, but several of them wanted to tell me their personal story of being a victim of sexual abuse, but didn’t feel comfortable leaving a public comment on the post. You may be wondering why I’m even doing this series, since the subject of sexually abused children tends to send chills down the spine of most parents, including mine. I’ll tell you why I’m doing these posts. I was a victim of sexual abuse when I was a young child, and when I became an adult I did a tremendous amount of research on the subject in order to learn the facts about children being sexually abused, so I could do everything possible to protect my own children from ever becoming a victim. But, it didn’t work. Despite knowing the statistics and all the known signs and symptoms of child sexual abuse; understanding the “grooming” methods child molesters often use on intended victims; teaching and reminding my children about “good touch, bad touch” on a regular basis; having excellent communication with my children; one of my sons was sexually abused at a young age by a highly respected church minister and close family friend, inside the church we attended at that time. If you think it is only necessary to watch out for “strangers” who might want to hurt your child, you would be mistaken. You know, “stranger danger” and all that jazz. That is a myth, so forget that idea. Having been abused myself, and being the mother of a child who was sexually abused, I have a lot to say to people who are either uninformed, misinformed, or completely and utterly clueless. 4 Common Myths about Child Sexual Abuse: Myth #1: You believe that since you live in a nice, safe neighborhood, where you know all your neighbors on a first name basis, and your children play with their children, hanging out at each other’s houses etc, that all is well on the home front. Fact: Child sexual abuse can happen anywhere, in any neighborhood, in every religion or church group, covering all racial boundaries or ethnic groups, and it certainly doesn’t matter how rich or poor you are. You can live in a beautiful, gated-community of homes worth millions of dollars, and your child is still not protected from being molested or abused. According to the U.S. Department of Justice national statistics, 1 out of 3 girls and 1 out of 5 boys will become victims of sexual abuse by the time they reach their 18th birthday. Not only that, but statistics show that children in elementary school are the most vulnerable and likely targets, and children with disabilities have even higher risk factors. That’s not good news for parents with little children, making it vitally important for parents to become educated about the prevalence of child sexual abuse in society today, without becoming completely paranoid about it. Myth #2: You have already talked with your children about not allowing anyone to touch their private parts, perhaps even calling those body parts by their proper name, and you believe that’s pretty much all there is to do. You may even have said to your children something like, “No matter what, you can always tell me anything that is on your mind, and I will believe you”. Fact: Sexual abuse occurs by forcing or manipulating a child in a way that allows the sexual offender to touch the child’s private parts (which may or may not include penetration), or takes photo’s of children without any clothes on, or when an offender exposes themselves to a child, etc. Children need to be taught about sexual abuse, and they need to learn and know the words “sexual abuse”. Listen, you can tell your children over and over about “good touch vs. bad touch” and proper names of body parts, but if your child doesn’t know the correct terminology, how are they going to know how to tell you they were “sexually abused”?! Myth #3: Most sexual abuse cases are committed by people who are complete strangers to you or your child. Fact: Closely monitoring the online database for sex offenders who may have moved into your neighborhood simply isn’t enough. 85-90% of child sexual abuse cases are committed by trusted family members and close friends. That includes fathers and mothers, brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles, grandparents, cousins, babysitters, daycare workers, boyfriends of single mom’s, fellow church members and clergy, and so on. If I have to write a thousand more posts about sexually abused children, to make it crystal clear who the most likely offenders are, I will write them gladly if it will help just one more parent develop greater awareness to this issue. Myth #4: You believe that your child would automatically tell you that he or she had been sexually abused. You may say to yourself, “My child and I have such great communication, that I KNOW my child would come and tell me immediately”. Fact: Most sexually abused children do not tell anyone they were abused, even when directly asked by parents or other authority figures. Victims of sexual abuse are often too afraid that the news will hurt their parents, or they are afraid of not being believed, or they were threatened in some way by the offender. While some schools offer programs that provide useful information and resources, for children and parents alike, the responsibility of educating children about sexual abuse belongs to the parents. And by the way, sexual abuse does occur in schools too! Were you a victim of child sexual abuse at some point in your life? Are you a parent of a child who was sexually abused, perhaps now dealing with the agony of not knowing it was happening? Even if you personally have never been abused in this way, I can promise you that someone you know has been victimized sexually, but they just haven’t told you their personal story. Further Reading- Signs and Symptoms of Child Sexual Abuse The Profile of A Pedophile: Identifying Characteristics and Behaviors of Child Molesters Launching the Child Safety and Child Sexual Abuse Series Why Kids Don’t Tell? Talking to Your Children about Sexual Abuse Sexual Abuse Books-Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse-Healing Sexual Abuse ========================================================================= Iowa State University http://www.savp.iastate.edu/abuse/statistics.html Sexual Abuse Statistics Sexual Abuse Statistics: 90% of all campus rapes occur when alcohol has been used by either the assailant or the victim. (Facts on Tap website) One in twelve college males admit to having committed acts that meet the legal definition of rape or acquaintance rape. (Facts on Tap website) 55% of female students and 75% of male students involved in acquaintance rape admit to having been drinking or using drugs when the incident occurred. (Facts on Tap website) Female college freshman are at the highest risk for sexual assault between the first day of school and Thanksgiving break. (Facts on Tap website) Every two and a half minutes, somewhere in America someone is sexually assaulted. (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network, RAINN website) In 2003, there were 198,850 victims of rape, attempted rape or sexual assault. (2003 National Crime Victimization Survey (NCVS)) 1 in 4 girls are sexually assaulted before the age of 18. (Federal Bureau of Investigation, 1999) A recently published eight year study indicates that when perpetrators of rape are current or former husbands or boyfriends, the crimes go unreported to police 77 percent of the time. When perpetrators are friends or acquaintances, the rapes go unreported 61 percent of the time; and when the perpetrators are strangers, the rapes go unreported 54 percent of the time. (Bureau of Justice Statistics, 2002) 84% of sexual assault victims know the offender. (National Victim Center, 1992. US Department of Justice, Bureau of Justice Statistics, 1991) One out of every six American women have been the victims of an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime (Prevalence, Incidence and Consequences of Violence Against Women Survey, National Institute of Justice Centers for Disease & Prevention, 1998) In 2003, nine out of ten rape victims were female. (NCVS 2003) About three percent of American men – a total of 2.78 million men – have experienced an attempted or completed rape in their lifetime. (Prevalence, Incidence and Consequences of Violence Against Women Survey, 1998) In 2003, one in every ten rape victims was male. (NCVS 2003) Statistics in Iowa: 2,070 sex offenses were reported to Iowa law enforcement agencies in 2003. (IowaCASA Statistics, 2003) Over 70.4% of rapes reported to Iowa law enforcement in 2003 were committed by someone known to the victim. (IowaCASA Statistics, 2003) 70.8% rape victims knew their attacker. (IowaCASA Statistics, 2003) Story County SART (Sexual Assault Response Team) statistics: There were 55 SART responses in 2004. Breakdown of the 55 cases in 2004: 65% were between the ages of 18-25 98% were female and 2% male 47% of victims were ISU students 54% were acquaintances 71% of victims reported having used alcohol or other drugs 61% of victims reported that the perpetrator used alcohol or other drugs

Leopards Don't Change Their Spots

Why is this pig smiling?

Why is Nussbaum employed by Yeshiva of Brooklyn?

How is Mandel seriously a "rabbi" when he openly provides refuge to a sadistic pedophile, but not only that - surrounds the predator with prey which to prey upon?

Mandel is a sinner. The big cheese of Agudas Yisorel is merely a reflection of a  monstrous 'Jew' trying in no uncertain terms to undermine our better judgment and wit. He reasons, if he put on an act of piousness, mainly carrying about business as usual, no one would challenge the pile of debris swept under the rug.  The yob tyrant/rasha knows the sad truth, most yidden look the other way, not wishing to be associated with any stigma.

in 2011, many folks are intelligent enough to see past that, but many are still not. Unfortunately, too many remain shortsighted, most having already buried their heads in the sand a long time ago. 

Cathy Spatz Widom

Cathy Spatz Widom is Professor of Criminal Justice and Psychology at the State University of New York in Albany, and a recognized national expert on the causes and consequences of child abuse and neglect. Her highly respected research includes an important and ongoing longitudinal study of a large sample of children with confirmed severe abuse in childhood. Such prospective studies, in which abused children are followed over time, are particularly valuable in the present context because they can be used to study current memories of people who were definitely abused as children. In the two studies below, one on physical abuse on the other sexual abuse, the findings suggest that for both forms of abuse the accuracy of retrospective reports depends on a complex array of factors, including sample selection and assessment methods, whether the person is male or female, and current mental health status (e.g., suffering from depression or not).
Widom, C. S. & Shepard, R. L. (1996). Accuracy of adult recollections of childhood victimization: Part 1. Childhood physical abuse. Psychological Assessment, 8, 412-421.

Abstract: Using data from a study with prospective-cohorts design in which children who were physically abused, sexually abused, or neglected about 20 years ago were followed up along with a matched control group, accuracy of adult recollections of childhood physical abuse was assessed. Two hour in-person interviews were conducted in young adulthood with 1,196 of the original 1,575 participants. Two measures (including the Conflict Tactics Scale) were used to assess histories of childhood physical abuse. Results indicate good discriminant validity and predictive efficiency of the self-report measures, despite substantial underreporting by physically abused respondents. Tests of construct validity reveal shared method variance, with self-report measures predicting self-reported violence and official reports of physical abuse predicting arrests for violence. Findings are discussed in the context of other research on the accuracy of adult recollections of childhood experiences. Excerpts from the Discussion:
     ". . . In many ways, these findings indicate accuracy in retrospective self-reports and good discriminant validity. Individuals who were physically abused, based on official records, retrospectively reported the highest rates of childhood physical abuse in the sample. On the CTS (Severe Violence and Very Severe Violence subscales) and the SRCAP [Self-Report Measure of Childhood Physical Abuse], physically abused individuals reported significantly higher rates of physical abuse than did individuals who had experienced sexual abuse or neglect in childhood and individuals who were part of a matched control group. The extent of remembering (i.e., the percentage of individuals who had been physically abused who reported having been physically abused on one of the measures used here) is in line with previous research. These results also reveal that the extent of reporting a history of childhood physical abuse varied dramatically by the criterion (or measure) used.
     "At the same time, there is a problem in underreporting of physical abuse. A substantial group of individuals who were physically abused do not report having been physically abused in childhood. Of the 110 people in the sample who had documented cases of physical abuse in childhood, 60-62% reported abuse using the CTS-VSV and SRCAP. This means that approximately 40% of individuals with documented histories of physical abuse did not report. Whether these people did not report (as suggested by Della Femina et al., 1990) because of embarrassment, a wish to protect parents, a sense of having deserved the abuse, a conscious wish to forget the past, or lack of confidence in or rapport with the interviewer, we do not know. But these findings suggest that a substantial minority would not be included in retrospective self-report assessments of childhood physical abuse. A more lenient criterion (such as the CTS-Minor Violence subscale) would capture most of the physically abused people (see Table 2); however, this criterion also identifies 92% of the sexual abuse and neglect cases and 86% of the control participants as having been physically abused in childhood. Using the CTS-Minor Violence subscale, the rate of false positives (as presented in Table 5) approaches almost half the sample. These findings illustrate that the rate of false positives is directly related to the measure of childhood physical abuse used. . .
     "Henry et al. (1994) concluded that reliance on retrospective reports about psychosocial variables should be treated with caution. They suggested that "the use of retrospective reports should be limited to testing hypotheses about the relative standing of individuals in a distribution and should not be used to test hypotheses that demand precision in estimating event frequencies and event dates" (p. 92). We support their recommendation to use caution against overly simplistic interpretations that take retrospective reports at face value.
     "These methodological problems pose significant challenges to researchers in the field. Notwithstanding the real difficulties involved, there is a critical need to develop reliable and valid ways to assess histories of childhood victimization. . . ."

Widom, C. S. & Morris, S. (1997). Accuracy of adult recollections of childhood victimization: Part 2. Childhood sexual abuse. Psychological Assessment, 8, 412-421.

Abstract: Questions have been raised about the accuracy of retrospective self-reported information about childhood sexual abuse. Using data from a prospective-cohorts-design study, a large group of children who were sexually and physically abused or neglected approximately 20 years ago were followed up and compared with a matched control group. Accuracy of adult recollections of childhood sexual abuse was assessed using 4 different measures, completed in the context of a 2-hr in-person interview in young adulthood ( N = 1, 196). Results indicate gender differences in reporting and accuracy, substantial underreporting by sexually abused respondents in general, good discriminant validity and predictive efficiency of self-report measures for women, and some support for the construct validity of the measures. Implications for researchers and practitioners are discussed. Excerpts from the Introduction:
     ". . . [A] significant risk of distortion and loss of information is associated with the recollection of events from a prior time period. If asked to recall childhood events, it is possible that respondents forget or redefine their behaviors in accordance with later life circumstances or their current situation. It is also possible that a person might redefine someone else's behavior in light of current knowledge. Unconscious denial (or repression of childhood traumatic events) may also be at work in preventing the recollection of severe cases of childhood abuse. Furthermore, given society's disapproval of various forms of family violence, a person may be embarrassed to report such experiences or unwilling to reveal such private information in the context of an interview setting. Thus, for a variety of reasons, there may be considerable slippage in accuracy in retrospective reporting. . . .
     "Empirical findings suggest that a person's cognitive appraisal of life events strongly influences his or her response (Lazarus & Launier, 1978). The same event may be perceived by different individuals as irrelevant, benign, positive, or threatening and harmful. It is likely that a child's cognitive appraisal of early childhood events will also determine at least in part whether they are experienced as neutral, negative, or harmful. The child's perception might reflect events occurring subsequent to the abuse experience as well as the child's perception of the experience. Theoretically, this is also important because long-term consequences may depend on the person's awareness or memory of the earlier abusive experience or experiences. Considering Lazarus and Folkman's (1984) discussion of the role of cognitive appraisal in mediating one's response to stress, it may be that children who do not define their early childhood experiences as abusive will show better outcomes.
     "There may also be gender differences in reporting or willingness to report childhood sexual abuse for a variety of reasons. Female psychiatric patients have been found more likely than male patients to report histories of sexual abuse. . ., female patients have been found more likely than male patients to reveal childhood sexual assault experiences to therapists (Jacobson & Richardson, 1987), and women have reported greater likelihood than men of being a victim of sexual assault (Burnam et al., 1988). Social pressures against reporting early childhood sexual experiences and embarrassment may lead to greater reluctance among men to report, whereas it may be socially more acceptable for women to report such histories. On the other hand, some of the apparent underreporting may be associated with the small number of male victims of sexual abuse in most studies (Finkelhor, 1990).
     "One approach to assessing the power or efficiency of retrospective self-report measures is to calculate the relative improvement over chance (RIOC). Loeber and Dishion (1983) devised this index to represent the improvement over chance as a function of the range of its possible predictive efficiency. . . .
     "A second approach to establishing the usefulness of retrospective reports of childhood sexual abuse is based on the construct validation process, one of the techniques used to establish the psychometric qualities of assessment instruments. In addition to establishing the validity of retrospective self-report measures using "known groups," construct validity attempts to assess how these self-report measures theoretically relate to other variables or indexes. That is, there are certain theoretical expectations about the way people who have a history of childhood sexual abuse should behave or should manifest certain outcomes. Based on logical relationships, then, tests of construct validity can offer evidence that these measures do or do not measure childhood sexual abuse, without providing definitive proof."
     "To validate our retrospective self-report measures of childhood sexual abuse, three outcomes frequently associated with childhood sexual abuse (depression, alcohol problems, and suicide attempts) will be assessed. Ideally, retrospective reports of childhood sexual abuse should relate to subsequent outcomes similar to the way official reports of childhood sexual abuse relate to these outcomes.
Excerpts from the Discussion:
     "We examined the accuracy of four retrospective self-report measures of childhood sexual abuse. In general, we found that women and men differ in the extent to which they recall or report having experienced childhood sexual abuse. Approximately 16% of men with documented cases of sexual abuse considered their early childhood experiences sexual abuse, compared with 64% of women with documented cases of sexual abuse. These gender differences may reflect inadequate measurement techniques or an unwillingness on the part of men to disclose this information. They may also reflect differences in the meaning of these behaviors for men and women, particularly viewed in a cultural context. Gender differences in reporting and in perceptions of early childhood experiences may reflect early socialization experiences in which men learn to view these behaviors as nonpredatory and nonabusive. Many of the sexual experiences considered to be sexual abuse (e.g., showing/touching sex organs, kissing in a sexual way) may be seen as developmental rites of passage, part of a learning process. Men reported more sexual experiences in which they touched the other person. Social pressures against reporting certain kinds of early childhood experiences may also lead to greater reluctance among men to report. Future research ought to examine whether the underreporting by men is due to embarrassment or to perceptions about sexual experiences.
     "In our examination of the validity of retrospective self-report measures of childhood sexual abuse using known groups, we also found gender differences in the discriminant validity of the four measures. Our results indicate good discriminant validity for the self-report measures used here for women but much less so for men. A higher percentage of women with official histories of childhood sexual abuse recall or report sexual abuse in young adulthood than do women with histories of physical abuse or neglect, who in turn report higher levels than nonabused and nonneglected controls (Table 3). On the other hand, men in our sample with documented cases of sexual abuse do not report higher levels of sexual experiences (any sex before age 12) than do men with documented cases of physical abuse or neglect or control men. Sexually abused men are significantly more likely to consider that they were sexually abused and to report more often having had sex against their will than are controls, but so are physically abused or neglected men. It is noteworthy that more physically abused or neglected men reported having had sex with an older person than did sexually abused men, none of whom reported having had this experience in childhood.
     "Overall, we found substantial underreporting of sexual abuse among known victims of childhood sexual abuse. This is particularly impressive because these are court-substantiated (documented) cases of childhood sexual abuse. Much attention has been paid to the lack of recall or failure to report histories of childhood sexual abuse among known victims of abuse. Although this lack of reporting is significant, it may not be surprising when viewed in a somewhat different context. Nonreporting by crime victims in the context of victimization surveys has been studied for a number of years (Garofalo & Hindelang, 1977), and problems with respondent embarrassment about the incident or "protective mechanisms," or simply memory decay or forgetting have been described. . . .
     "For women, we found strong relationships between retrospective self-report measures of childhood sexual abuse and the three outcomes examined here: DSM-III-R diagnoses of depression and alcohol abuse/dependence and suicide attempts. We also found that women with documented cases of childhood sexual abuse who were followed up prospectively into young adulthood were at increased risk for having alcohol abuse/dependence diagnosis and for making suicide attempts.
     "It was surprising that we did not find that women or men with documented cases of childhood sexual abuse were at increased risk of being diagnosed with depression according to DSM-III-R criteria, despite the widespread belief that childhood sexual abuse leads to depression. We did, however, find a significant relationship between retrospective self-report measures of childhood sexual abuse and depression diagnosis. Thus, this pattern of findings suggests that the relationship between childhood sexual abuse and depression is complicated and may depend on a person's cognitive appraisal of early life events (cf. Lazarus & Folkman, 1984). Individuals who meet the criteria for a DSM-III-R depression diagnosis (current or remitted) are more likely to recall having been sexually abused in childhood than individuals without depression diagnoses, although individuals with documented cases of sexual abuse in childhood who were followed up into young adulthood were not at increased risk of receiving a depression diagnosis. This was true for men as well as women in this sample. . . .
     "The underreporting we found means that there is a substantial group of people with documented histories of childhood sexual abuse who do not report these experiences when asked in young adulthood to do so. Whether this is due to loss of memory, denial, or embarrassment is not known. However, there are important implications from these these findings for other researchers and clinicians. For researchers, the underreporting of childhood sexual abuse poses a serious concern for epidemiological research, especially that which involves a large proportion of men. For clinicians, these findings reinforce the need to develop more sensitive techniques to elicit this information from men.

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'Gedolim' CLUELESS !!!  Moetzes Gedolei Hatora's outlook in 2011 is still: don't report sexual abuse to authorities, try to squash the facts internally via intimidation tactics. SHAMEFUL! 


Mayor Bloomberg crowed Monday that city streets have never been safer - day or night - for women, but some skeptical New York ladies suggested he take a walk in their neighborhoods.
At a tour of a Queens school Monday night, the mayor proudly declared: "People don't remember 10 years ago. They've really already forgotten when you couldn't walk the streets."
"Today, a woman could walk in virtually every neighborhood in this city during the day and not look over her shoulder, and most neighborhoods at night," he added.
But Bronx resident Carla Banks, 31, said living on the upper East Side has left the mayor clueless about what women face.
"Bloomberg's trippin'," said Banks, of Kingsbridge Heights. "This isn't the upper East Side. He's definitely out of touch with what women deal with in the Bronx."
Her pal Devon Irving, 29, said he should take a solo stroll down her block. "I know the mayor doesn't have to worry about walking home from the subway, but I sure do," said Irving, of Mount Eden. "If he thinks we don't still have to watch our backs, he's crazy."
Nora Nestor, 32, of Crown Heights, Brooklyn, said she wouldn't change where she lives, but she never lets her guard down.
"I love my neighborhood. I feel safe in it, but I wouldn't walk anywhere in New York without being aware of what's behind my shoulder," she said. "As a woman, you have to be aware of your surroundings."
Bedford-Stuyvesant resident Elizabeth Truemper, 25, said some parts of Brooklyn are more dangerous for women than men.
"There's no way I'd walk from Bed-Stuy to Bushwick, but I have male friends that walk from Bushwick to Bed-Stuy," she said.
The mayor boasted about female safety after Rabbi Yaakov Bender, the dean of Yeshiva Darchei Torah School in Far Rockaway, thanked him and NYPD Commissioner Raymond Kelly for keeping the streets safe.
But at a community meeting the mayor later attended in Far Rockaway, Beverly Champion didn't second the sentiment.
She complained to the mayor about crime in housing developments, saying, "I've lived here all my life, and I've never seen it as worse." Champion said she doesn't feel safe walking around with her purse and laughed when told what the mayor had said earlier about crime.
"He's not telling the truth," she said. "He just takes the reports that they give him, but he doesn't know."
Even women with tony Manhattan zip codes called the mayor out on his comments.
"He's a bit off the mark," said Carson Demmons, 26, of NoHo. "I've lived in neighborhoods where I wouldn't give it a second thought during the day, but it was a whole different story at night. You still need to keep your wits about you."
Bloomberg's boasts did get some support - from women who live in his neighborhood.
"Yes, it has gotten better," said upper East Sider Theresa Ackerly, 43. "This nabe changed a lot. Back in the '80s, there were a lot of gangs. Mayor Bloomberg is doing all right in terms of crime."
Meanwhile, at the community meeting, a crowd of 200 booed the mayor and the Department of Transportation Queens Borough commissioner, Maura McCarthy, when they spoke of planned bike lanes for the Rockaways.
Bloomberg later admitted that the lanes drew strong reactions from supporters and opponents.
"Bicycle lanes are one of the more controversial things, obviously," he said. "Some people love them and some people hate them. ... It's probably true that in many of these cases we could do a better job, and we're going to try to do that."

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2011/01/25/2011-01-25_walk_in_our_shoes_mike_women_question_mayor_bloombergs_boast_about_how_safe_stre.html#ixzz1C54Tj9sQ

"The {FRUM} Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure: a Child-lover's Code of Conduct"

FIND OUT WHY RABBIS AND ORTHODOX LEADERS ARE RAVING ABOUT THIS GUIDE

Bond set in Fla. for author of pedophile guide

Phillip Ray Greaves II.

BARTOW, Fla. -- A judge set bail at $15,000 Wednesday for a Colorado man who wrote a how-to guide for pedophiles.
Phillip Greaves of Pueblo is charged with violating the state's obscenity law, a third-degree felony that could land him in prison for five years.
The 47-year-old was arrested Monday in Colorado, but Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd claims jurisdiction in the case because Greaves sold and mailed a copy of his book to undercover deputies in Florida who had requested a copy.
Court-appointed public defender Francis Solorzano, assigned because Greaves could not afford an attorney, first asked Judge John Kirkland to drop the case.
"Any finding of probable cause would tend to have a chilling effect on free speech," Solorzano said. "What we're dealing here is mere words. There are no images in the book."
But Kirkland said the judge who signed the arrest warrant had already found probable cause and he could not override that decision.
The self-published book - "The Pedophile's Guide to Love and Pleasure: a Child-lover's Code of Conduct" - caused a flap when it showed up on Amazon in November. It was later removed from the site.
Greaves, who has no criminal record, writes in the book that pedophiles are misunderstood, as the word literally means to love a child. He adds it is only a crime to act on sexual impulses toward children, and offers advice that purportedly allows pedophiles to abide by the law.
Judd said he was incensed when he heard about the book and that no one had arrested Greaves for selling it. The book, Judd said, included first-person descriptions of sexual encounters, purportedly written from a child's point of view.
During the hearing Wednesday, Greaves' attorney asked Kirkland to reduce or eliminate the $15,000 bond.
"It is 15 times the standard bond schedule for a third-degree felony," Solorzano said. "That should be considered excessive."
But prosecutor Brad Copley said the state believes the $15,000 bond "is on the low side."
Kirkland decided to keep the bond at $15,000. If Greaves does post it, he must stay in the state of Florida, not use a computer and not have contact with anyone under 18.
Solorzano said it is unlikely Greaves will be able to raise the bail money. He is being held at the Polk County Jail and told local media on Tuesday that he "only has sex with grown-ups" and that writing and selling his book falls under his constitutional right to free speech.
He is charged under Florida's obscenity law, which prohibits the "distribution of obscene material depicting minors engaged in conduct harmful to minors."
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Pope, Gedolim reflect on the 70's

Pope Benedict used his annual speech to Rome's cardinals and bishops on Monday (Dec. 20) to ask them to reflect on the church's responsibility in the child sex abuse scandals.

Benedict qualified his mea culpa by stating that the scandal (in which priests who sexually abused children were often ignored or protected by the Catholic Church) was partly justified by the broader social context. Benedict said that while the church accepted some responsibility, he could not be silent about ''the context of these times.... There is a market in child pornography that seems in some way to be considered more and more normal by society." [History of Pornography No More Prudent Than Present]

Benedict claimed that as recently as the 1970s, "pedophilia was theorized as something fully in conformity with man and even with children." In this climate, the Catholic Church's actions were merely reflecting the moral relativism of the times: "It was maintained — even within the realm of Catholic theology — that there is no such thing as evil in itself or good in itself," Benedict said. That is, church leaders weren't sure if child sexual abuse was wrong, since secular society seemed to accept it.

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 At age 101, pedophile dies, ending an ugly tale

Theodore A. Sypnier, a 101-year-old pedophile, went to prison last spring saying he would rather die than spend another day behind bars.
He died early Tuesday, and his daughter says the family is relieved.
"The world is that much safer because he is not here," said Martha Juchnowski, his daughter and one of his victims. "I think I can speak for my family: There is a sense of relief. This has been a horrible thing that has been hanging over our heads all our lives."
Sypnier, the oldest inmate imprisoned by the state, died of natural causes at 12:23 a.m. Tuesday in a prison medical unit, according to Linda M. Foglia, spokeswoman for the Department of Correctional Services.
Before he was sent back to prison in April on a parole violation, Sypnier, weeping, told The Buffalo News, "I don't want to go back. I'd rather die."
As word spread of his death, no tears were being shed for the man who authorities said sexually attacked children for decades in Buffalo and later in the Town of Tonawanda.
"I hope this brings a little bit of comfort to his family and those he hurt so deeply. You can't go back and change things," said the Rev. Terry J. King, whose organization, Saving Grace Ministries, assists ex-convicts.
Sypnier had received temporary shelter in King's East Side halfway house after he was released on parole in the fall of 2009.
"We did not want him to hurt again or victimize anyone. Certainly he had hurt enough people through his lifetime," King said. "It is sad all the way around."
Last Wednesday, Sypnier's health began to fail, and he was transferred from Groveland Correctional Facility in Livingston County to the Coxsackie Correctional Facility's regional medical unit in Greene County, south of Albany.
A prison chaplain spoke with Sypnier in his final days, but Juchnowski said she was not aware that he had expressed any remorse.
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Male Survivor

10 Daily Affirmations for Male Survivors

Howard Fradkin, Ph.D., LICDC, Co-Chairperson, MaleSurvivor Weekends of Recovery

1. Recovery is absolutely possible and achievable for me.
2. I will practice being disloyal to dysfunction and loyal to functionality.
3. I give myself permission to connect to loving, affirmative, strong, sensitive, accepting men and women in my community.
4. I release and forgive myself for any responsibility I have accepted in the past for my abuse.
5. The abuser (s) from the past chose to hurt me; I will stop repeating the lie that it just happened to me.
6. Offering myself daily compassion is necessary for my healing and growth.
7. I commit to connecting to the boy inside me today so we can play, laugh and experience joy together, even if just for a minute or two.
8. I believe deep inside me I possess the ability to face the truth of my abuse and to learn to use new tools for healing.
9. I have the right and the ability to speak the truth of my abuse and deserve to be heard, understood, believed and supported.
10. Feeling is healing; as I heal, I develop the ability to experience a wider range of emotions to enhance my health and connections to others.

Child Sexual Predator "Rabbi" Yehuda Kolko Arrested Again

Brooklyn rabbi busted for violating order of protection against boy, 12

BY Simone Weichselbaum, Michael Mclaughlin and Barry Paddock
DAILY NEWS WRITERS

Monday, November 22nd 2010, 4:00 AM

Egan-Chin/News

Rabbi Yehuda Kolko was charged with sexual abuse in 2006.

Related News

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• Teens busted after sexual assault on Coney Island Boardwalk
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• Brooklyn teen arrested in Central Park sexual assault
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• 
  

A Brooklyn rabbi was arrested for violating an order of protection against a 12-year-old boy he is accused of sexually molesting, police said.
Rabbi Yehuda Kolko was charged with sexual abuse in 2006, accused of molesting students at Yeshiva Torah Temimah in Brooklyn, where he was a teacher. He pleaded guilty to child endangerment.
He was accused of violating an order of protection on Nov. 12 by stopping and glared at one of the victim after they crossed paths on the street.
The boy is set to testify in a civil suit against the school in March, a family advocate said.
"The experience of again being threatened and intimidated by Kolko these past weeks retraumatized him," the boy's father said in a statement to the Daily News. "He can't sleep. He's afraid to go outside."
The father filed a complaint with cops, who arrested Kolko Saturday.
Brooklyn Criminal Court Judge Evelyn Laporte warned Kolko to stay away from his accusers at his arraignment on Sunday night. Kolko was released on his own recognizance.
Defense lawyer Jeffrey Schwartz scoffed at the new charges.
"These days they arrest people if you look at them the wrong way. It's not a crime," said Schwartz, accusing the victims of trying to set up Kolko.


Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2010/11/22/2010-11-22_bust_perv_rabbi_for_glare_at_victim.html#ixzz16GgNhuCf
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The Grooming Process of a Child Sexual Predator.

by Megan Bayliss | More from this Blogger
Grooming is a process of desensitization that predators use on children to prepare and trick them into accepting sexual abuse. Once the predator has gained the child's trust and confidence, they use everyday behaviours, like telling an inappropriate joke, a touch on the upper arm that lingers a little too long or a kiss on the lips to test whether your child is likely to tell on them. If the perpetrator is satisfied that your child won't tell, the predator moves onto other forms of bad touching. If the child still doesn't tell, then the abuse continues along the continuum of abuse from non contact, to contact and often ending with penetration and sometimes even homicide.
Just as we groom ourselves before going out to make us look presentable, predators often groom themselves as wonderful, caring people. They may involve themselves in your family's life and often do great things in the community. This is a trick. This is their game. This is their way of being open about being sneaky and of gaining more access to your child. They often set themselves up to be high profile in a community and they spend a lot of energy in ensuring their innocence. They can sometimes be the person that we would first approach to baby-sit while we go to dinner. They are so good with the kids, so loving and protective, so eager to assist.
Grooming can take many months, and includes grooming adults around the child. Including you. The child's support networks are groomed to disbelieve any thing their child may say about bad touches. The predator may try to win your confidence and support by having some quick conversations with you about a lie the child told or they may even suggest that there's something unbalanced about your child. They do it so caringly and openly portray their concern and willingness to support you. The quick comments may well be true. The child may have lied or may even be acting out of character. But, just remember that if a child lies once it doesn't doom them to an eternal cycle of lying. If ever your child says they've been abused, always believe them, even if you think it's impossible. Remember, your thoughts of impossibility may be because you've been groomed.
Developed world research suggests that eighty-five percent of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by somebody well known to the child: somebody that has access to your child on an ongoing basis. This may suggest that the grooming has become so entrenched into our daily life that we fail to recognize it as grooming. Predators need access to children and the family home is a great place to find kids.
Sometimes we are married to the perpetrators and do not know it because they have groomed us so well. Yes, even some parents sexually abuse their own children. Females too, sexually abuse. Mostly though, parents and grandparents love their children and want to protect them. If you know a family member, or anyone else, who may be abusing children you need to get them some help. The only way to get help is to tell someone in a position to act upon and stop the abuse: the police or child welfare authority in your state. You cannot assist, or change perpetrators, because you would do so at the risk of your child. Failure to protect children is as bad as abusing the child yourself. Darkness to Light suggests that an average serial perpetrator may abuse 400 children in a lifetime. By not protecting one child, you are also failing to protect other children. Please report.
In this age of terrorism, we are quick to act on any suspicious activity. We are trying to prevent further acts of terror by recognizing the warning signs and intervening before something happens. Child sexual abusers are domestic terrorists and their acts affect our children for many years to come. Prevent the infiltration of domestic terrorism by recognizing the grooming process and stopping it now.
In tomorrow's blog we'll look at why children don't always tell you they've been abused. Believe it or not, the silence can also be a part of the grooming process. In the meantime, here's some related Families.com articles to ponder: Our children in danger from sexual molestors. Coping with sexual assault. Coping with sexual assault 2. Teaching children about child molesters. The epidemic of online child sexual crimes.

90% of all children sexually assaulted by someone they know and trust

By Samuel Newhouse Brooklyn Daily Eagle JAY STREET — An Orthodox Jewish child molester who was sentenced to a maximum of 30 years earlier this year appeared in Brooklyn Supreme Court Wednesday for a pretrial hearing in yet another case of alleged sexual abuse of a minor. Baruch Lebovits, 59, of Borough Park, who was convicted of sexually molesting a teenager in his community, appeared before Kings County Supreme Court Justice Patricia Di Mango, the same Brooklyn judge who sentenced him in April to 10 2/3 to 32 years in prison. Justice Di Mango gave Lebovits the maximum sentence for each of eight counts of abusing a 16-year-old Borough Park resident, whom Lebovits lured on several occasions in 2004 and 2005 to his silver Toyota for “driving lessons” before performing oral sex on the victim, who was a friend of Lebovits’ son. Now Lebovits has at least one more active sexual abuse case and could face even more indictments, as several alleged victims came forward after Lebovits was sentenced. Sources in law enforcement have called the crimes Lebovits has been charged with “the tip of the iceberg.” One alleged victim said Lebovits fondled him in a mikvah or ritual bath while the victim was a teen, but made the claim after being arrested himself for allegedly fondling a 12-year-old in a mikvah, according to the Daily News. Despite these allegations, Lebovits, a cantor (traditional Jewish singer) and a local teacher, still has some supporters in the community. But the father of the victim whose testimony led to Lebovits’ April sentence has called Lebovits a “grand-molester.” Read more: http://www.brooklyneagle.com/categories/category.php?category_id=4&id=38583 ====================================================================== http://www.csasurvivor.net/?page_id=222 JAMAICA:PUBLIC OUTRAGE, EXPOSE MOLESTERS NOW! MARY CLARKE, Children’s Advocate, on Wednesday appealed to members of the public not to shield child abusers. She made the appeal while addressing the launch of the child abuse prevention campaign at the Bustamante Children’s Hospital. She said her office was concerned that children who are to appear before the courts as victims of rape and carnal abuse often miss court dates. “When the summons are to be served for them to come to court, they cannot be found. Mother’s don’t know, guardians don’t know, community members don’t know, and after the date of the case, the child reappears,” she said. “I am calling on you today to be responsible citizens - that is being very irresponsible. You are protecting abusers, you are helping no one.” SIMILAR APPEAL Public Defender, Howard Hamilton, also made a similar appeal. He said men who have sex with one-month-old babies and young children because they believe that they can be cured from a sexually transferred disease should cease this atrocity. “This can no longer continue, men cannot be allowed to go to a four-month-old infant, so let this be a turning point in Jamaica,” he said. Mrs. Clarke said since the beginning of the year, there were 80 cases of sexual and physical abuse cases reported at the Bustamante Children’s Hospital. Of this number, 14 could not be traced because wrong addresses were given. “Parents, guardians, caregivers, you have a responsibility for your children. You must give the correct addresses and phone numbers. Why are you concealing the children who need the psycho-social support to help them get over the hurt that they have felt, why? Why are you hiding the abusers?” she asked. She said of the 14, five were assaulted and nine were physically injured. She said during last year, there were 8,275 victims of major crimes. Of this number, 24 per cent were children under 14 years old. Rose Robinson-Hall, chairman and coordinator of the Child Abuse Mitigation Project at the Bustamante Children’s Hospital, told The Gleaner that the child abuse campaign would involve in-house training of staff to recognise behaviours that are abusive and to be able to respond appropriately to these cases.  AWARENESS IS YOUR BEST DEFENSE BECOME A WATCHDOG  “AWARENESS IF YOUR BEST DEFENSE”  OVER HALF A MILLION SEXUAL PREDATORS LIVING IN COMMUNITIES ACROSS THE UNITED STATES SEXUAL ABUSE BEFORE 18TH BIRTHDAY IS A REALITY FOR GIRLS AND BOYS 1 in 5 girls will be sexually assaulted before 18 1 in 6 boys will be sexually assaulted before 18 1 in 5 children propositioned on the Internet 90% of all children sexually assaulted by someone they know and trust According to a National Institute of Justice study done in 1996, child sexual abuse costs America $23 billion. Victims of child sexual abuse generally spend more on psychiatric care services throughout their lives More is spent on special educational services. The loss in potential and productivity, and these expenses would not be necessary if not for sexual abuse and its financial drain to each and everyone of us A FRIEND OF THE FAMILY MAY BE NO FRIEND AT ALL 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will be sexually abused or sexually assaulted by their 18th birthday The perpertrators aren’t “dirty old men hiding in the bushes” but family members For More Information http://www.familywatchdog.us ======================================================================= TWENTY-FOUR QUESTIONS ABOUT PROFESSIONAL PRACTICE IN THE AREA OF CHILD ABUSE What constitutes child abuse and neglect? Who has to report child abuse and neglect? If I report, am I breaking confidentiality? Under what circumstances do I have a duty to report child abuse? How do I report? and What information am I required to disclose in a child abuse report? Will I get in trouble if I do not report child abuse as required under laws of my state? Will I get in trouble if I do report? and Can I be sued by the person I report? Do I have to report every instance of child abuse? Do I have to report if the suspected abuser is in treatment or if I believe the reporting would do more harm than good? What will be the response to my report? Are there issues I should consider for disclosure? How shall I handle a child’s disclosure of abuse by a parent? How shall I handle a child’s disclosure of abuse by a non-family member? What are some possible effects for the child, the family, and treatment when a disclosure or report are made? What are possible beneficial effects of reporting for the child and family? What are some of the possible personal issues I should be aware of in handling disclosure and reporting? What are the characteristics and symptoms of a child who has been abused? How do I recognize and verify what abuse had occurred? Are there psychological measures to assist in evaluations of victims of child abuse? What special considerations are there in the assessment of victims of child abuse? What are the emotional demands of providing intervention services to victims of child abuse? What roles can I play in supporting and providing intervention services to the victims of child abuse? How do I provide treatment to a child who has been abused? What are the therapeutic issues, reasonable goals, and special considerations when providing treatment to a child who has been abused? From The American Psychological Association’s (APA, 1995) Committee on Professional Practice and Standards ======================================================================== EXPOSE THE PERP: THE AFTERMATH As you heal from child sexual abuse and talk more about the trauma, you will become more comfortable with what you tell others, especially family members. The details you share of the abuse is up to you, and you can choose to share what you are confident about. Usually a survivor will share with a family member you are most comfortable with, because you will receive various responses from family. Usually a survivor will tell a family member what took place and immediately the family member will want to know what exactly happened between you and perpertrator. Then after the family member has time to absorb the information they will want to talk more about the perpertrator. Family members will express different emotions,and ask all sorts of questions. Believe it or not this communication will help make a better relationship between family members, because communication is taking place and that is one of the key steps to healing. Now as a survivor you have the option to answer and not answer questions, the ones that make you uncomfortable, you need to say that you cannot answer. As a general rule, your privacy and boundaries are important here. Each time your family asks questions about the abuse, be prepared for different reactions, be thoughtful of your family’s emotions now, because these emotions will affect you too. As these discussions take place, a survivor can reexperience thoughts about the sexual abuse that they resolved. This is normal part of what happens when telling the family what happened. Please be prepared that not all family members will believe what you have to say about the perpertrator, you may feel angry with family for this, even sad, but it is important that you know the truth, and again ” the truth shall set you free”, and its not about changing anyone else but changing and healing yourself.. As you heal you will become better at setting boundaries, and developing healthy relationships, promoting safety and trust in your life. Family members who respect and trust you are those you keep close to you. To avoid unstable relationship there must be trust, not chaos, crisis and inconsistency, and as a survivor we want to definelty avoid this in our lives. Here are few ideas: Establishing Boundaries: No one touches you without your permission and consent, and you touch no one without their persmission and consent. Choose who you want to be sexual with, some one who is safe and you feel comfortable and who you have a reciprocity in terms of respect, love and care. Trust is conditional; people earn trust, as well they earn yours. There are different levels of trust for different people. Do not tolerate disrespectful behavior and speak up when it happens. Honor your feelings and those of others Stand up for your self and believe in you right to do so. Give yourself permission to be who you are and to try new experiences Affirm your life today, and acknowledge the good that exist in your life today Take time for yourself and not allow others to intrude on your time. Say no and do not feel guilty. Praise yourself often. Excerpts from Healing from the Trauma of Sexual abuse by Karen Duncan. ========================================================================= CONFRONTING ABUSE IN THE ORTHODOX COMMUNITY (This article first appeared in NEFESH) By Rabbi Yosef Blau It is no longer possible to ignore the tragic reality that sexual, physical and emotional abuse exists within the Orthodox community. Recent revelations about rabbis and teachers abusing adolescents, often continuing to abuse for decades, dramatically remind us that our existing mechanisms are failing to deal with the problem. I am not aware of any statistics which clarify whether the numbers of offenders is substantial, but even a small number can traumatize hundreds of victims. The full measure of the horrendous nature of abuse is not always apparent from a technical halakhic perspective. Two teenagers touching each other inappropriately are guilty of the same sin as a forty-year old rabbi touching a thirteen- year old female student. We intuitively recognize that the rabbi has used his position as an authority figure to manipulate a vulnerable child, though she is an adult according to halakha. A pedophile who abuses minors even if he gets their approval is halakhicly a rapist but not if he does the same with an adolescent boy or girl. It is even more difficult to pinpoint the sin when dealing with emotional abuse and manipulation. While one can make similar technical arguments in other areas of halakha, its significance in this context is its use as cover for the many who do not want to deal with the full implications of confronting rabbinical abuse. Not wanting to see themselves as lacking sympathy for victims, people can claim to be concerned about preserving halkhic standards. How rare it is to have two witnesses who saw the abuse. Even when the pattern of abuse is clear the question remains how to effectively deal with the abuser in a way that at least limits his ability to move elsewhere and continue to abuse new people. Schools fire abusive teachers who then move to another community and start teaching (and abusing) in the new yeshiva. Going public is seen as causing a chilul Hashem and going to secular authorities as mesira. Virtually all poskim agree that if there is danger to future victims then there is no halakhic issue of mesira but practically the taboo of mesira remains. Victims are discouraged from coming forward on other grounds as well. It will hurt potential shidduchim, not only for the victim but for members of his family as well. Compassion is expressed for the reputations of members of the abuser’s family as well. The probability that the family members may have suffered abuse themselves and suffer from being in ongoing contact with the abuser, is not understood. Taking the accusation to a Beis Din unfortunately is rarely effective. Few rabbis have any training in recognizing abuse and the rabbinical courts have no investigative arm. Some abusers are charismatic leaders and have followers who will say whatever they ask them to say. Perjury to a Beis Din is not punished and in many cases the witness, in support of his mentor, has no difficulty with distorting what occurred. The cultic element in the guru’s leadership is hard for us to acknowledge. A rabbi promoting Judaism is seen as incapable of being a cult leader. Newspapers, particularly Jewish newspapers are assumed to be anti-Orthodox. Speaking to them is almost the act of a traitor. Yet at the present time the media has played a primary role in the increased awareness of this problem and an abuser whose name that has appeared in the media is unlikely to be hired by a new school or youth movement. Two recent cases point to differing approaches now being used. In one story from Israel a commission including a rabbi, a psychologist and a judge evaluated allegations and the accused was fired from his teaching position. He hired a lawyer and is fighting for reinstatement. The Israeli media have picked up the story. A recent article in Maariv broadened the discussion to quote varying views about rabbis counseling married women. The other case involved allegations that had been investigated twenty years ago and a resulting agreement that an individual would leave Jewish education, which was not effectively enforced. After two decades it became difficult to reconstruct what had occurred. Supporters of the accused spoke freely to the media while victims used pseudonyms. New allegations surfaced and a major expose appeared in the papers and a new Beit Din was formed to decide how to deal with the accusations. While no formal announcement has been made, their apparent decision was to send the case to a religious court in Israel that will deal with the charges. Despite growing awareness and concern no consensus has yet emerged. Rabbis are not trained to recognize abuse nor given an approach to aid them in responding when they realize that it is occurring. Principals are not equipped to respond to accusations against teachers in their schools. Rabbinical organizations do not have rules of appropriate conduct. Accused abusers retain memberships in these organizations without any process to remove their names. Our community has not been educated to recognize abuse nor to appreciate the ongoing trauma of victims. Headlines in newspapers are not effective educational tools. Often the response is to express anger at the paper and then ignore the abuse. Until the mentality of the community changes little progress will be made. Even if a method will be developed to get rabbinical approval for victims to go to the police much of the problem will remain. Not every manifestation of abuse involves criminal behavior. “Rabbis” who seduce women as part of outreach or marital therapy are not guilty of a punishable offence. Proper utilization of secular authorities is a necessary step but clearly not a total solution. In Chicago, after there were a number of serious incidents, a special Beit Din, whose members are respected across the Orthodox spectrum, was established to deal with accusations of abuse. Similar rabbinical courts in other major cities, whose judges would be trained to recognize abuse and would have appropriate mental health professionals as consultants, should be introduced. Creating special rabbinical courts is a powerful statement that a serious problem needs to be addressed. Nefesh professionals have a critical role to play in educating the Orthodox community, in treating and supporting victims and in serving as consultants for schools and organizations. Only people who are trained can lead a systematic campaign explaining the nature of abuse and the need to confront it openly. Stigma has to be removed from victims. Invariably when the identity of an abuser is revealed the response of far too many is “We have known that for years.” Enabling abusers to continue, covering their crimes to protect the image of the community, contribute to innocents being traumatized. Judith Herman in her book on trauma points out that both the abuser and the victims turn to others for support. The victim needs action while the abuser only asks for our silence. It is time to stop the silence. The true chilul Hashem is that we allow victims to continue to suffer in order to preserve our community’s image.