Thursday, August 31, 2006

How to keep your kids safe

Summer is over, and now we are entering a brand new school year. The school jitters are starting to creep up. A lot of kids are worrying and dreading going back to school. Who will my rebbe/teacher be? Will they be nice to me? Who are going to be my friends? Who is going to hate me this year. How will i pass my class, I'm too dumb? And this is the never-ending thought process, that most kids are experiencing before school begins. So why not educate and boost your son/daughter's frame of mind. Give them the self-confidence they so crave. Educate them, and help them worry less.

So the point I'm trying to make, is kids have soo much to worry about, that they don't need another thing such as - unwanted sexual advances by a person, or being the target of physical or mental abuse, regardless if it is someone who is supposed to be trustworthy, such as Rabbi's, Teacher's, Friend's, or anyone else.

This year, if you are a sane parent, and haven't done so already, and you want to protect your child from being harmed, you must make your kids aware of some basic fundamental knowledge, in order that they know how to distinguish between right and wrong. They should all know, What is constituted as appropriate "touching", and what is considered NOT appropriate touching.

They should be told, what areas of the body are off limits to EVERYBODY, as well as also knowing how to act and behave, if they are G-D forbid faced with such a situation.

Now, we get to the next part. SEX? SEX? SEX? That's what the parent defense will be (not all of you of course, but a good chunk, I'm willing to bet). I can't say that word to my kid. It's bad. It's a dirty word. It's a grownup topic. Kids are too little to comprehend such a complicated process, besides it's better they don't know about it until they find out about it for themselves when they get older. It's Osur to bring up such nivul peh (oh yeah, i know some of you are thinking that). My kid doesn't need to know about sex. And the list goes on and on.

So what's my answer to you, the parent, who gives excuses as to why your kid should not be told about sex? Oy Vey, chas vesholom they should know how to defend themselves, right? Chas vechalila the should know that tumedica 3 letter word, come again? It would be a disgrace, that your kid, actually could have the knowledge necessary to defend him/herself, right? No. You're wrong. Again. It's that kind of negative insight and irrational thinking process, that fuels the fire, and contributes to the detriment of our kids. Don't we want to keep our kids safe? At home, a lot of you have burglar alarms, fire alarms, smoke detectors, levels of carbon monoxide are monitored by a detector, should you choose to have one (it would be a smart thing to do). We go through difficult measures, to keep the bad people out of our homes. Isn't your child a part of your household? shouldn't he/she be protected from bad people, wherever they may be, including schools? Shouldn't you the parent, do everything in your power, to help safeguard your child?

We live in the 20th century. Times have changed. This is not the days of Noach ish tamim haya "bedorosoi". We need to adjust reality to what it pertains to today. Today, we are a different generation. We are a lowly people now, compared to the times of the tanoim and amoroyim. Different generations, calls for different solutions. As hard as it may be, to force yourself to talk to your child about impending dangers and obstacles they may encounter though life, especially child molestation and sexual abuse subjects, it is still imperative and necessary, that they be prepared on how to defend themselves. Children are not stupid. Most children know much more than they let on. Chances are, many of them already know about sex, and there's nothing wrong with that, as long as they are educated about it, and are aware of the negatives aspects and positive aspects, of what the sexual relations, and that sort of behavior creates. The parent needs to channel the discussion of making sure nothing terrible happens to your kids, and gear it towards the betterment of the child's safety, and that includes talking about sex.

Be smart parents. Don't fall into denial. Be aware of different changes or patterns in your child's behavior. It may be nothing, but it may also be not such a nothing. So use common sense. Don't doubt your child. Believe them. Look into whatever problems they are having or complaining about. Take them to see a therapist if necessary. Be there for them. Spend dinner time, eating as one family, together as one. It really helps keep the family intact. You have a better chance of reaching out to your children that way. And last but not least. Don't be an ignoramus. It's just not a good tactic. If you suspect that your child is being abused in any way, sexually, physically, or mentally, go to the police. Contact the authorities, just as you would if your house was burglarized, or your car was stolen. This is not petty larceny, though. It's the life of your child. Treat it with respect and dignity. Don't always believe das torah. Last i checked, they were flesh and blood, just as we all are. They sin, just like we sin. They have temptations just like we have our own temptations. For the most part, i believe every man was created equal, but we also have the ability of bechira. We choose. Animals don't choose, they rely on instinct, they don't have bechira like we do. We know the difference of right from wrong. And consequently, we are judged by our actions. Sometimes we are judged fairly, and at times we are not judged fairly. The end result though, is we all need to survive in this world. The better equipped we are, the better off we will be because of it.

In closing, i would like to take this opportunity, to wish everybody, a Kesiva Vechasima Tova and a good Gebenched Yor. A prosperous year, a safe year, a rewarding year. And may we all be Zoche to get out of this Gulus bemeara veyuminu Amen.

NOTE: I am always available to offer my assistance in any way i could, in investigating child abuse crimes. If you, or someone you know, wants or needs guidance, please don't hesitate to email me at:

If I cannot directly help you, I will most certainly find you someone who could.


Anonymous said...

Masterpiece; Thank you!

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exposemolesters said...

Of course!

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It is unfortunate that it has come to this. It is a big darn shame it has come to this. It is very hurtful that it has come to this. But yet, IT HAS COME TO THIS. It has come at the price of a GREAT CHILUL HASHEM. It has come to Hashem having to allow his holy name to be DESECRATED so that his CHILDREN remain SAFE. Shame on all those responsible for enabling and permitting Hashem's name to be desecrated! When you save children you save the future. You save the future you save generations. You save generations you save lives. You save lives you have saved the world!!!!!!!