Brooklyn rabbi busted for violating order of protection against boy, 12

BY Simone Weichselbaum, Michael Mclaughlin and Barry Paddock
DAILY NEWS WRITERS

Monday, November 22nd 2010, 4:00 AM

Egan-Chin/News

Rabbi Yehuda Kolko was charged with sexual abuse in 2006.

Related News

A Brooklyn rabbi was arrested for violating an order of protection against a 12-year-old boy he is accused of sexually molesting, police said.
Rabbi Yehuda Kolko was charged with sexual abuse in 2006, accused of molesting students at Yeshiva Torah Temimah in Brooklyn, where he was a teacher. He pleaded guilty to child endangerment.
He was accused of violating an order of protection on Nov. 12 by stopping and glared at one of the victim after they crossed paths on the street.
The boy is set to testify in a civil suit against the school in March, a family advocate said.
"The experience of again being threatened and intimidated by Kolko these past weeks retraumatized him," the boy's father said in a statement to the Daily News. "He can't sleep. He's afraid to go outside."
The father filed a complaint with cops, who arrested Kolko Saturday.
Brooklyn Criminal Court Judge Evelyn Laporte warned Kolko to stay away from his accusers at his arraignment on Sunday night. Kolko was released on his own recognizance.
Defense lawyer Jeffrey Schwartz scoffed at the new charges.
"These days they arrest people if you look at them the wrong way. It's not a crime," said Schwartz, accusing the victims of trying to set up Kolko.

Read more: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/ny_crime/2010/11/22/2010-11-22_bust_perv_rabbi_for_glare_at_victim.html#ixzz16GgNhuCf
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The Grooming Process of a Child Sexual Predator.

by Megan Bayliss | More from this Blogger

Grooming is a process of desensitization that predators use on children to prepare and trick them into accepting sexual abuse. Once the predator has gained the child's trust and confidence, they use everyday behaviours, like telling an inappropriate joke, a touch on the upper arm that lingers a little too long or a kiss on the lips to test whether your child is likely to tell on them. If the perpetrator is satisfied that your child won't tell, the predator moves onto other forms of bad touching. If the child still doesn't tell, then the abuse continues along the continuum of abuse from non contact, to contact and often ending with penetration and sometimes even homicide.
Just as we groom ourselves before going out to make us look presentable, predators often groom themselves as wonderful, caring people. They may involve themselves in your family's life and often do great things in the community. This is a trick. This is their game. This is their way of being open about being sneaky and of gaining more access to your child. They often set themselves up to be high profile in a community and they spend a lot of energy in ensuring their innocence. They can sometimes be the person that we would first approach to baby-sit while we go to dinner. They are so good with the kids, so loving and protective, so eager to assist.
Grooming can take many months, and includes grooming adults around the child. Including you. The child's support networks are groomed to disbelieve any thing their child may say about bad touches. The predator may try to win your confidence and support by having some quick conversations with you about a lie the child told or they may even suggest that there's something unbalanced about your child. They do it so caringly and openly portray their concern and willingness to support you. The quick comments may well be true. The child may have lied or may even be acting out of character. But, just remember that if a child lies once it doesn't doom them to an eternal cycle of lying. If ever your child says they've been abused, always believe them, even if you think it's impossible. Remember, your thoughts of impossibility may be because you've been groomed.
Developed world research suggests that eighty-five percent of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by somebody well known to the child: somebody that has access to your child on an ongoing basis. This may suggest that the grooming has become so entrenched into our daily life that we fail to recognize it as grooming. Predators need access to children and the family home is a great place to find kids.
Sometimes we are married to the perpetrators and do not know it because they have groomed us so well. Yes, even some parents sexually abuse their own children. Females too, sexually abuse. Mostly though, parents and grandparents love their children and want to protect them. If you know a family member, or anyone else, who may be abusing children you need to get them some help. The only way to get help is to tell someone in a position to act upon and stop the abuse: the police or child welfare authority in your state. You cannot assist, or change perpetrators, because you would do so at the risk of your child. Failure to protect children is as bad as abusing the child yourself. Darkness to Light suggests that an average serial perpetrator may abuse 400 children in a lifetime. By not protecting one child, you are also failing to protect other children. Please report.
In this age of terrorism, we are quick to act on any suspicious activity. We are trying to prevent further acts of terror by recognizing the warning signs and intervening before something happens. Child sexual abusers are domestic terrorists and their acts affect our children for many years to come. Prevent the infiltration of domestic terrorism by recognizing the grooming process and stopping it now.
In tomorrow's blog we'll look at why children don't always tell you they've been abused. Believe it or not, the silence can also be a part of the grooming process. In the meantime, here's some related Families.com articles to ponder: Our children in danger from sexual molestors. Coping with sexual assault. Coping with sexual assault 2. Teaching children about child molesters. The epidemic of online child sexual crimes.

Guilty or Innocent?

"Hazmana" Belsky leading the pack

Lakewood Orthodox Jewish
leaders want abuse
accusations addressed
As rift widens, community insists problems
should be brought to rabbis
By ZACH PATBERG • STAFF WRITER • August 25,
2010
One man's criminal accusation that a teacher
molested his young son has widened the rift in the
Orthodox Jewish community over where religious
rights stop and the justice system begins.
Some inside the tight-knit enclave praised the
child's father for bypassing religious protocols last
year and reporting the alleged attack first to Ocean
County prosecutors. Others believe he committed a
sin because he failed to get permission from a
rabbinic court before pressing charges against a
fellow Jew.

"The first step is to go to rabbis,'' said Rabbi Shmuel
Meir Katz, a senior Dayan, or decider of Jewish law.
He teaches at Beth Medrash Govoha, a yeshiva in
Lakewood that is one of the foremost Jewish
universities in the world. "We have our own system.
We have our own laws, and as long as the Bais Din
(rabbinical tribunal) feels competent on taking care
of something themselves, that's our surest recourse
in our circles.''

At the center of the controversy are the criminal
charges against Yosef Kolko, 36, a former camp
counselor and local yeshiva teacher. At his
arraignment Tuesday, Kolko pleaded not guilty to
charges of aggravated sexual assault and child
endangerment. The child was between 11 and 12
years old when the more than yearlong alleged
abuse began in Lakewood, according to the
indictment. The Asbury Park Press is withholding
the father's name to protect the child's identity.
The case is a stark example of what Ocean County
Prosecutor Marlene Lynch Ford described as a "wall
of silence'' in the community that has made
investigating crimes difficult.

The decision of the child's father to go immediately
to authorities last year has sparked reprisals,
according to prosecutors and witnesses.

Attempts were made to pressure the father to drop the
charges. Fliers about him were circulated. In June, a
Lakewood resident was arrested and charged with
witness-tampering.

Eight months ago, religious leaders and county law
enforcement authorities pledged to work together to
better prosecute crimes within the Orthodox
community. Since then, more sex crimes in
Lakewood have been reported, but there is no
information if those cases came from inside or
outside the Orthodox community.
But the Kolko case has exposed a strong
undercurrent of resistance to outside involvement.

A recent flier criticizing the father included a decree
signed by prominent rabbis that discouraged
cooperation with secular courts.

On June 30, at a charity fundraiser in Lakewood, a
flier was circulated with a letter titled "How (the child's father) Makes a Mockery of
the Torah.'' It described the father's choice to go to
prosecutors as a "terrible deed,'' according to a t
ranslation from Hebrew. It also threatened to
publicize the names of his supporters if they don't
""repent.''
"We hope that after tonight further letters will not be
necessary,'' it stated. "However, let the perpetrators
of this (shameful thing) know that ... we will not stop
(until this horrible shame is removed from us).''
The letter includes the name of a Bronx rabbi, Abba
Hershkowitz, and his phone number. It is otherwise
unsigned. It could not be verified that Hershkowitz
approved the letter.
Attached to the same flier was a proclamation
signed by nine Lakewood rabbis that instructs
people to bring allegations to a Bais Din rabbinical
tribunal before alerting government authorities.

At this point, there is no evidence that the signers
of the proclamation meant to have their names
distributed with the letter.
The proclamation reads in part: "And if, in fact, he
has transgressed and has gone so far as to bring
the matter to the secular (nonreligious) courts, he
is, perforce, obligated to do everything possible in
order to remove any scintilla of accusation against
the other party from the secular courts,'' it states,
according to a translation by Rina Ne'eman Hebrew
Language Services in New Brunswick paid for by the
Press. "And it need not be stated that it is forbidden
(for him) to continue to cooperate with them (secular
courts) and to assist them in their efforts to pursue
a Jew.''
The proclamation, dated in the spring of 2010, is
signed by some of Lakewood's leading authorities
on Jewish law, including heads of yeshivas and
synagogues, Bais Din judges and two rabbis from
the Beth Medrash Govoha yeshiva.
Three rabbis confirmed they signed the
proclamation but declined to say more. They were
Avrohom Spitzer, a Dayan; Yosef Zimbal, a rabbi at
Westgate Congregation; and Simcha Bunim Cohen, a
rabbi at Congregation Ateres Yeshaya. Another,
Rabbi Shmuel Katz, said he did not remember the

exact contents of the decree but nonetheless
repeated its philosophy.
"From the time we open our eyes in the morning,
our religion tells us how to take care of this,'' he
said.
Katz compared the religious and legal courts to the
two houses of Congress. Batei Din, he said, offers a
platform for cooler heads to prevail when dealing
with emotional issues that may otherwise spark rash
accusations and damage reputations.
While he put both systems on equal footing, Katz
did say accusers should go to rabbis before the
police. He added that if a rabbi were unsure of the
answer or direction to proceed, he would be
obligated to consult professionals.
When asked if that included going to law
enforcement, Katz didn't specify.

"If somebody's engaging in devious activities, he
(the consulted rabbi) should speak to an expert in
those things,'' he said. "And if he doesn't know, he
says he doesn't know.''
Such an internal system has previously raised
concerns among child advocates and some
Orthodox families who fear it can act as a
gatekeeper in sex-abuse cases. Its lack of
investigative skills and real judicial authority, they
say, leave wide cracks through which pedophiles
can, and have, slipped.

Ford, the Ocean County prosecutor, said she does
not condone going to a rabbi first about a crime, as
third-party delays can contaminate evidence and
hinder investigations.
But, she said, sex crimes, more so than most
offenses, often are reported to a confidant before
law enforcement because of their sensitive nature.
Ford said she recognizes this "reality'' as her office
tries to "penetrate a wall of silence that has
admittedly existed in the Orthodox community for
many years.''
However, when people are ordered to first seek
rabbinic permission, she said, "that clearly conflicts
with the law.''
"And someone would not be insulated from liability
or even prosecution if they fail to report to
authorities reasonable suspicions,'' she said.

In the Kolko case, another man, Shaul Luban of
Lakewood, was charged with witness-tampering. Prosecutors say he sent text
messages that urged people to pressure the child's
father to drop the charges.
The letter with Hershkowitz's name is in that same
vein and is being investigated, said Assistant
Prosecutor Lara Pierro, who is handling the Kolko
case.
"When we receive word that there's pressure on the
family, we pursue it,'' she said.
Messages seeking comment and left with
Hershkowitz at the number listed on the letter and at
the college in Riverdale, N.Y., where he works, were
not returned.

However, a relative, Brooklyn Rabbi Yisroel Belsky,
supported the position stated in the letter, saying
"such behavior (as that of the victim's father)
wouldn't be tolerated'' elsewhere. "When your child
tells you something, you don't go straight to a prosecutor, you go to a Bais Din and let them
examine the (evidence).''
Belsky, a rabbi at Yeshiva Torah Vodaas in the
Flatbush section of Brooklyn and a member of the
Orthodox Union, a national Jewish lobby, said he
has not seen the flier but claims "there's no evidence
at all'' against Kolko.

Not all rabbinic leaders agree. Rabbi Dovid Cohen,
an authority on Jewish law in Brooklyn, said he
received a call not long ago. It was from a
representative of the Orthodox community who
asked if the Kolko allegation should be taken to
prosecutors.
"Not only do I permit it, it is an obligation,'' he said
he replied.
"There are others who disagree,'' Cohen said
recently. "Those people aren't for molesters; they simply feel that there's a chance a
person will be slandered. ... They feel it's not ethical
to go to authorities until it's first verified by a Bais
Din. That's where we differ.''
Cohen said he heard about the fliers in Lakewood
after a social worker called and told him the father
was "getting a lot of pressure.'' The father could not
be reached for comment.
Rabbi Weisberg of the Vaad said he believes those
who signed the proclamation were expressing
themselves "as individuals and not as some
organized body.''

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